When people look significantly better off than us, one of the responses a lot of people have is to bristle. Inside, thoughts and hearts are saying, “Well, don’t you think you’re special!” or “How could you ever relate to what I have been through when you look as polished as that?!” Insecurities are ignited and a sore separateness is felt. But this can be very, very distant from what the truth is.
A number of men and women I know put an effort into looking like their most exceptional selves every single day. Is it because they are snobs that have never known a difficult day in their lives and they insist on nonverbally reminding people of their superiority? No, it is quite the opposite.
They have struggled, they have had ridiculous challenges to overcome, they have been wildly mistreated. All that hardship left a fierce pain that is nobody’s business. They dress the part of looking like they have it all together, they act the part, they can be quite convincing, but they just want to look the opposite of what they have known. They want to look like someone who is loved and who is okay.
Sometimes they go so far as to be biting towards someone who does not have the level of “perfection” they have. But their rejection is not so much of the person they are mistreating as much as it is a rejection of a side of themselves that they are not comfortable allowing to be known. That does not take the sting out of being the person that got mistreated, but it can sometimes be helpful to realize that the offending person is not as wholeheartedly mean as they appear. They hurt and they don’t know how to process it. Thinking less of someone else distracts them from their thoughts that condemn their own selves for either being too much or not enough.
Sometimes a person feels like crap and just wants to wear the same shleppy outfit every day. But someone else loves that person and wants that person to look their best so that maybe that person will in some manner feel their best as well and find a spring in their step again. So that person is wearing nice gifts that were given to them in love but that others are now judging them for looking too nice in.
Try to listen deeply to the people around you. Don’t let someone’s exterior speak for them at the expense of other things you hear in a person’s words, actions, background, and heart. Sometimes looking for the best in someone may take some effort, but if you find it you have found a treasure indeed. You’ve got this!
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This post is republished on Medium.
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