Caregiving for a loved one can be both rewarding and draining. It’s simply the nature of the role. Where else do we willingly and even unwillingly sacrifice so much of ourselves without truly understanding how it will affect us? Often times we stumble into the role by rights of proximity. We are the closest child to the parent, we are married to the person, we are the parent. It shows up in friendships as well as neighbors who may just need a bit of help.
Throughout my career I’ve seen it go well and I’ve seen it not go well. I’ve seen needs get met as well as go unmet and still it goes well. I’ve seen relationships completely fall apart and I’ve seen them strengthened, healed and better for the experience.
I’ve noticed a few common denominators in no particular order that don’t take away from the exhausting aspect, but certainly add to why it can be rewarding.
The person receiving the care, is fully engaged in their choices and decisions.
Maybe not forever engaged, depending on the disease process but at some point they were able to articulate even a general roadmap as to what they wanted and what they did not want as time went on in their care.
There is more than one person involved in the care.
Even when there is only one carrying the bulk of the Care, still there is a support system of sorts in place. Be it family dividing up the expenses, support group to ease the strains, professionals to guide families along the way or a neighbor who drops off meals. Caregiving can be an isolating experience. Support, support, support is required.
A sense of humor and thick skin.
There’s so much about this that cannot be controlled, finding something to laugh about as often as possible can save when thick skin doesn’t. Laughing also, because there are so many tears involved everyone deserves some humor during tough times.
Flexibility from all sides.
It just isn’t going to look like anyone thought it would. An ability to accept that what one wants may not be possible, so no hard lines in the sand being drawn are going to work well. I’ve seen them drawn in all sorts of ways, for all sorts of reason. I don’t judge whether or not it worked…I just notice it doesn’t go well in the long term.
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It’s difficult to plan for the unplannable events in life. Yes, we will all age, but how isn’t always easy to see ahead of time. Working on the above areas at least give us all a chance as the caregiving role comes up for us.
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