When Effort Ends — Your Affair Expiration Date

His typing skills went from complete sentences like, “I’ve been busy with work, babe. You know I can’t text often.”

To “When u free to fuck?”

Effort gone.

That’s when you realized he sucked at kissing and communication.

U nu dis wuld hapn once he got his dik wet. LOL. That’s what it boils down to.

What are the circumstances?

It’s like a math equation. For example, how much time you’ve invested in a lover equals the amount of effort you expend.

1. If it’s a potential affair partner + low effort = Walk away.

Time to cut your losses. Good riddance. Not worth the hassle.

May they find their match with someone else. The search continues…

2. One meet up + low effort = Walk away.

Yeah, not worth it. Maybe the chemistry was off. Perhaps it was you. Or them. Who knows? It could be anything. Don’t delete your profile just yet. I don’t stack my eggs in one basket easily.

3. Six months into an affair + low effort = Ask what is going on, but be prepared to walk away.

This one is a more challenging call to make. Why isn’t it working? Too far? Too close? NRE wearing off? Too many expectations? Not enough of what you need? Oh, the list is endless.

It can be anything and everything, just like in #2.

You’ve invested time into this affair, and to call it quits hurts. But, then, you have to look again. THE LOOKING, ugh. I’ve written plenty about it. You’d probably bend over backward, not renew the search for a suitable affair partner. We all know how hard a slog that is.

When is the juice not worth the squeeze?

4. One year into an affair + low effort = Ask what is going on and really dig. Don’t let it go without a fight.

Decide if you are having fun. Or is the affair just bringing you sadness instead of joy?

Rarely is it in balance in between lovers.

These extra-curricular activities are supposed to “spice up your life.” Make you long to rip each others clothes off, and set up unrivaled anticipation. But, if that is waning or, worse yet, gone, you have to face facts.

It may be time to cut your losses. Bite the proverbial bullet.

Affairs require work.

Huh? They do?

Yes, they do. You have to lots at stake — one or two marriages.

Whether you are both married or not, you must communicate your needs.
Practice excellent OPSEC (how we cover our tracks).
Set parameters.
Decide what deal breakers you have, and whether the affair is still worth your time.

Conversation is key to all relationships.

If it becomes too one-sided, or the responses are curt, and to the point, that’s usually the beginning of the end.

Time to pull back. Re-examine. Other stressors in life might be at play. Talk it out. Find the truth (as best as possible). Affairs are notoriously tricky minefields to navigate. The secrets, the lies, and outside forces can cause affairs to implode.

Low Effort.

What does it mean?

It can imply, “I just want to fuck. Nothing more. You aren’t meaningful to me as a person.” It’s treating you like an object. Not as an individual they want to spend time with.

Do you walk away? That’s the question.

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Readers, what are your low effort deal breakers?

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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