When His Ego Refuses Your Rejection

When a person really loves you, they value you to the point that they listen to your needs and concerns, and they respect the decisions you make towards your own happiness and wellbeing. When a person doesn’t love you, they hear your needs and concerns but will try to manipulate you into desiring their needs and concerns so that you won’t disappoint them.

However, let’s be fair. No one likes to be rejected or dumped. Even if someone does genuinely love another, not having those feelings reciprocated hurts, and expressing how important the person is to us is healthy and normal. The problem is when it becomes obsessive; like a fatal attraction where the person refuses to let the other go against their own wishes.

Although this definitely happens both ways, this is a topic more so for the ladies than the fellas because women are constantly bombarded with online content suggesting that when a man is truly interested, he’ll chase you.

Ok, but how long do you want a man to chase you for? And should it really matter if he chases you or not?

There’s tons of advice over the internet on how to attract a man, keep a man, and how to make a man fall in love. And while some of them offer valuable information, others are nothing more than manipulative tactics to either make a man obsessed with you or to basically play mind games of seeking external power over him. Neither are recipes for a healthy connection.

For a healthy connection to thrive, two people have to be healthy individuals that want the best for themselves and others. Your cup should be overflowing with enough positive energy that it’s easy for you to give without expecting things in return like some transactional business exchange. And when you have this knowledge and awareness for yourself, you’ll notice when someone else doesn’t have it — like a man who expects you to want the same things that he wants without regard for your own unique differences.

Let’s say that in the most polite and mature way you could possibly explain, you told a man that you’re not interested in pursuing things any further, but he insists that you should. He consistently calls, texts, and emails, telling you that you haven’t given it enough time to give him a real chance. And let’s say if you do spend a day with him as a “friend,” explaining that all you can offer is a friendship, he tries to slide your hand into his or playfully place his arm over your shoulders in a slick way to be territorial. While some people might think his interest deserves your attention, others might see his persuasion as a red flag because he’s not respecting your space — or your boundaries.

There’s no reason to become bitchy or cold when expressing your romantic disinterest, but an immature or selfish man could possibly take your rejection as a challenge to his ego, which can then frustrate you if he doesn’t stop pursuing you. Instead of really hearing your heart, he’ll treat you like an object to be won and put a competitive spin into every conversation or interaction. For a strong woman who has a good head on her shoulders, it will turn her off. But for a woman who craves that attention, she’ll cave in to his advances only to become disappointed “if” he becomes bored after he’s captured his prey. Yes, some men actually pursue women like prey. Please be mindful of this.

Of course, every man has a bit of an animalistic nature inside. That’s why there’s so much online content about men chasing women. But the whole point of developing true love is not to feed the beast, but to love the spirit. Why interact with his lower nature when you can inspire him to rise? Sometimes that elevation looks like a romantic commitment, other times it looks like a platonic friendship, and yet still, it can even look like letting go. Whatever it transpires to, you as a healthy woman, should not lower your standards to receive a little bit of flattery from a man’s advancements towards you. If he’s not the right match and you’re just not aligned, then nothing he says or does should change your mind just to soothe his ego. It’s not even something he should take personally because he could, in fact, be a fantastic guy! But if you’re just not into him, then it’s ok not to choose him. If he’d only change his perspective, he might actually see that your honesty is a blessing to free him up for the right woman who does genuinely want him.

Love shouldn’t be treated like a game to be won like a chessboard, so neither one should play that game. Instead, realize that if you’re wise enough to notice that someone’s bruised ego is at work, continue to keep your distance so that you can make yourself available for heart-centered people who have the energetic capacity to want the highest good for everyone involved.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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