During lunch, I took my daily walk at my favorite park in Torrance. My little squirrel friend Rocky was climbing through trees with his friend or maybe even his squirrel girlfriend. I’m just guessing. I really don’t know.
I quietly walked up to Rocky holding his favorite walnuts in my hand. The Rock saw me. He stopped darting up the tree. He stood tall on his hind legs and stared at me. Then he ran over to me. I feed the Rock his favorite walnut snacks. We hung out for some quiet time together.
Yeah, Rocky is a squirrel. So, we’re not really friends. Still, we have a transactional relationship. I bring Rocky his walnut snacks. Rocky eats those snacks. Simple. It works.
In the bigger picture, squirrels and humans aside, I give Rocky kindness. Rocky accepts my kindness. Sure, he’s hungry and needs food. Still, Rocky trains me to be quiet inside, to be calm amidst the storm. The Rock teaches me to have kindness, albeit for a little squirrel.
When I put kindness out into the world and someone, even a little squirrel, accepts that kindness, there’s the possibility of kindness in the world. I get that kindness back, even from little Rocky. Kindness is a choice. Kindness is karma, as well.
In Aikido, the 250-pound man comes to punch me. I wait it out. I enter the attack. I take a glancing blow if I have to. It’s one time. In the center of the attack, in the danger, I choose who I am and what I do. I don’t look at the attacker. He’s irrelevant. I apply the Aikido technique to myself, whether that’s iriminage (clothesline technique to the head) or kotegaeshi (wrist lock). It’s only me against me.
In the center of the attack, I choose to let the attacker pass or end the attack. The attacker chooses to take the fall or stand down from his attack. I choose to give kindness or not. The attacker chooses to accept my kindness or not. We both choose.
Aikido Founder Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” When threatened or attacked by the 250-pound man, I choose whether to give kindness or not.
To be kind or not to be kind? That is the question. With all due respect to William Shakespeare and Hamlet.
In the bigger picture, I try to give kindness when possible. That’s not always easy to do. It sucks, especially when things just don’t go my way. Just saying. Someone cancelled existing dinner plans to go do what they really wanted to do. No, that didn’t hurt like getting punched by the 250-pound dude. Still, I took that glancing blow. I was kind. I was particularly kind to myself, too. Time to let go.
I have nothing to do with what goes on inside someone else. I have a lot to do with what goes on inside me. My path to end suffering is loving myself for who I am and forgiving myself for who I’m not. I give up being right that I’m not good enough. I don’t make anyone wrong, including me. I have grace. I give kindness to others and to myself. I let go.
Letting go is the hardest thing that I do in life. After all, it’s not all about me. People always will do what they want. That’s life. As the late Mizukami Sensei did for me in Aikido training, I give those I love the space to be themselves. I stay with them. I’m here for them, always.
When I give kindness amidst unkindness, I may not get it back. Still, the world is better for that. That’s the intention of karma. That’s what I got from feeding my squirrel friend Rocky. If the Rock can put out kindness in the world without expectations, so can I. When in doubt, be kind. Just saying. Amen.
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