When the Person You Put Your Heart Into Is Stringing You Along

Have you been with someone who likes to drop those 3 words here and there, yet his actions don’t match?

What is it that makes them not take the relationship to another level? Is something wrong with you? Are you not eligible to be with him long-term?

You’re done scratching your head here. I know that feeling though— being with someone who 50% didn’t see a future with me.

We all like to think we can push them to give us that 50% more person — Or at least 30% more. We can settle with 80% of their commitment because who’s 100% ready all the time?

The bad news is that you can’t make someone feel sure about you.
If he doesn’t want to let you go either, then it’s clear that he’s stringing you along.

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Why do people string along someone they aren’t sure about?

The reason might vary, but the obvious one is they still think, “what if someone better is out there and this is the wrong choice?”

Logan Ury in her book, How to Not Die Alone called this type of person a maximizer. Those who’re not only having FOMO (fear of missing out) but also afraid they might make the wrong mistake.

They worry so much about making the best decision. The more options they have, the longer it takes for them to decide.

They always make sure they make the best decision every single time.

While this might work well in business, it’s not practical in dating and relationships. Those maximizers will only jump from one relationship to another — thinking they haven’t found the ‘best’ one yet.

Unfortunately, their partner is the ones who suffer emotionally and mentally. Imagine dating someone always in the middle of whether he wants to commit or not.

Whether he wants to propose or not.

Whether you’re the right person for them or not.

Whether you’re worth their energy and time or not.

Their indecisive behavior will most likely impact how they treat you from time to time.

Some days they are so in love. Another day they are cold because they can’t stop thinking of the other better potential.

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What are the signs that he’s only stringing you along?

Here are several signs you can take a look at:

1. Despite being together for so long, he still doesn’t want to talk about the future of the relationship

There’s no talk about traveling together in the future. There’s no talk about moving in and adopting a cute dog together. Of course, there’s no talk about meeting the parents.

Whenever you try to bring it up, his only response is, “why don’t we take things slow?” If his definition of slow is to be together for five years until he can commit, maybe you need to rethink the whole thing.

Seriously though, who wants to be with someone for years when he isn’t even sure you’re the right person? In the end, goodnight texts and all the pretty words aren’t the only things you need.

2. He doesn’t see the relationship the same way as you do

You tell your girlfriends you’ve been in a serious relationship with this guy for years. You see a future together.

Meanwhile, he told his friends that you both are just casually dating and “see where it goes”.

It hurts as hell. Relationships take work to maintain.

You’d better put all those work into the right person. You probably notice in highly committed couples that they like to use “we” instead of their names.

While it sounds cringy sometimes, it becomes a habit to see things as a “we” rather than just the “me and my future plans” thing. You want to be with this person long-term, and your brain knows it.

Someone who strings you along puts the bare minimum. He barely plans the future or even talks about his current relationship status with other people.

He doesn’t want to claim you’re the love of his life because what if he finds someone better, like tomorrow?

3. Some things just don’t add up and you could feel it

It’s not that hard to find out whether someone genuinely wants to be with you long-term or not. If you remove all those feelings you have for them for a moment, you’ll have your gut telling you the truth.

We tend to ignore the signs because we are too scared to face the truth.

Dating is already hard nowadays. Why makes it even harder by trying to be with someone new, right?

Well, you don’t have to find someone new if your current relationship is healthy. A one-sided relationship is unhealthy because it wrecks your self-esteem and overall mental health.

So if you feel like something is fishy, you should not neglect it. You should go deeper and find out what it is. Try to talk directly or seek a new perspective outside your relationship.

Sometimes it helps to put the missing puzzles together.

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