When You Find ‘the One’, and What To Do About It

Everyone should be with someone who makes them feel great about themselves, happy and giddy at the thought of them. You want someone who does not criticize you but critiques you healthily so that you always want to be a better version of you. You want to be excited when he calls and get chills when he kisses you. I experience this everyday with my husband. We met 10 years ago and have been married 7. That being said, here is my list to help you know when you meet the one, and how to make a life with them. I have written from my perspective as a woman, but this can apply to everyone.

1: Know what you want

When you find it, charm it until it is yours. I have watched several romantic movies and shamefully lots of telenovelas. And in my story I am that main character girl. So when I met my future husband and he was everything like those bad guy heart throbs in the movies, I played my cards right by not being too forward, staying interested and laughing at all his jokes.

2: Do not settle.

If you are with someone and feel like you could do better, you probably could. This may sound harsh, but don’t waste your time and his. Even if things improve, there will be moments when you wonder what if that happens again or what if something else happens. To be honest, i have never felt like I made a mistake marrying my partner.

3: Expand your horizons.

You might feel like there is no hope and that person does not exist. This maybe because your world is too small. Take up something (a regular activity) where socializing is encouraged, but is not the main activity. For example change churches or attend meetings from another church, join a gym, a dance or an aerobics class, volunteer in a local organization, or a cooking class. This should be something you enjoy and if you are lucky enough to meet your partner there, you will have observed and interacted with him from a professional or fun perspective and can organically grow your relationship from there.

4: Know where you stand.

I don’t think it’s healthy to live through a relationship without actually ascertaining out that you are in a relationship. When two mature people like each other, communication is key, and a way to set a good precedent for your future is to actually sit down and explicitly declare that you are boyfriend and girlfriend. My husband asked me to be his girlfriend 6 weeks after we met. It seemed corny at first but it set us up on the same page early on. Also referring to him as my boyfriend instead of some guy I met last month was easier after this. You do not have to wait for him to ask, you can playfully be like “so, do i refer to you as my boyfriend,…since am not seeing other people…”, or something in those lines. Be creative, go with your vibe.

5: Take your time.

Why are you rushing? If it’s meant to be, you have the rest of your lives together. Get to know each other first. Spend time together; go for walks, picnics dates, spend sometime in the park, flirt. Talk on the phone daily, call right before you sleep, send a sweet text in the morning. 10 years down you will look back and smile with warmth at how lucky you are.

6: Commit.

If your heart is happy and your body is satisfied, make a decision to leave all else behind and settle into your new life. Concentrate on building your lives and plan for your future too. This might mean dropping some of your old connections or being a bit boring. But if you are really in love, this should not be much of a challenge.

7: Money is a monster if not addressed.

According to a study by Ramsey designs, the number one issue couples fight about is also a topic many couples avoid discussing — money. This is because every family is different and we all grew up with different money blueprints. It is important to attend premarital financial counseling to understand each other’s money personalities. My partner and I attended a comprehensive one month premarital counseling that covered everything from finances, to babies, to how to deal with in laws and it made us feel a little better prepared for marriage.

8. Talk about everything.

Your joys are his joys and his sad times are yours too. There are no secrets in a union. No matter how private it may seem, if you are comfortable enough around each other, you will find a way to bring it up or at least touch on it to make him aware of it. Details can be revealed at a later date. Secrets can feel like infidelity if they come out at the wrong time.

9. Finally, don’t lose yourself.

“The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

When two people decide to spend their lives together, it is the beginning of a new and exciting adventure. The fact that you are now ‘one’ does not mean that you lose one of you, but that you are now a bigger entity that accommodates both of your life views. Compromise where you can because family comes first. But that girl that had her hopes and aspirations is still in there. Find a way to include both your personalities into your present and future plans.

That’s it guys. These are the steps that have gotten me where I am in my relationship today. Granted everyone is different and new issues crop up daily. You just need to have made a decision that this is your life now, and in so doing your union is a priority and you will work through it all.

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Previously published on medium

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