Ask Wendy: Dating, Sex & Relationship Advice for the Bold
Hey Wendy,
What is the best way to deal with guys showing up late on dates?
Annalisa V.
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Hey Annalisa,
“Hey, you know what’s better than me waiting for you? You waiting for me!” Some daters really think this.
When a guy shows up late on a date, he’s telling you who he is so, listen up!
Maybe he’s always late, a never-to-be-counted-on-slacker.
Maybe he was simply overly optimistic about time.
Or maybe something legitimate happened that was an unusual circumstance.
Once you two are both there, hear him out from a place of curiosity instead of anger. Your first few dates are a trial period of getting to know each other, and if he’s late, that’s definitely something to keep an eye on for the next time.
Hot Tip for Helping with Lateness
Before you set out on a date, give him your cell number. If you’re not comfortable giving your personal information to this stranger, get a second line from Google Voice — it’s free. That way he can text you if he’s running late. While that doesn’t prevent lateness, it gives you a heads up as to how much time you have to entertain yourself.
Next, have something to do on hand: Play Scrabble on your phone, dictate your next novel into your notes, take selfies of your cuteness, read on your Kindle, Sudoku, remote-controlled vibrator, whatever.
How Late is Too Late?
For any circumstance, I have a twenty-two-minute rule and that predates the invention of cell phones.
Fifteen minutes is late.
Twenty minutes is rude-late.
But if you leave, that might be the exact time he shows up, so add the extra two minutes to help fate and serendipity work in your favor. If he’s twenty-two+ minutes late without communication, it’s more than reasonable to be 100% out.
If he calls later with a harrowing tale of what happened, I might consider a second chance based on his level of remorse, the details of said story, and how willing he is to make it up to me.
Twenty-two minutes is my tolerance threshold. What’s yours?
What to Say to Mr. Late-y Late
When he’s continuously late and you’re ready to call it, try this as your ending: “I really liked getting to know you. Your relationship with time doesn’t work for me, so we’re not going to see each other anymore. I wish you luck out there.”
That’s the whole story.
Happy dating!
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Wendy Newman is the author of 121 First Dates. She’s a dating, sex, and relationship expert who’s led hundreds of workshops and revolutionized the lives of over 70,000+ women internationally.
Send a question to this column via email: [email protected]
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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I came across this article because I was looking for reasons as to why women are seemingly ALWAYS late to dates. I suppose the answer is, “because they can.” Men will put up with a late woman much more than a woman will put up with a late man. You suggest that women inquire about the lateness from a place of curiosity, not of anger. I never question a woman’s lateness. I wonder if she will be offended if I did. It is also possible that she might respect me more. I wonder if women are ever intentionally late. Perhaps… Read more »