Which Type of Single Are You?

My friend Kasey(34), called me yesterday.

“I’m done with everyone questioning me being single. Why can’t people mind their own business?”

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People who are taking a long time to settle down in a relationship, or people who don’t think a relationship is the only way to be happy, are seen as an odd bunch of people by a majority of the society who thinks having partners is the only default setting of adult life.

However, if you are single right now, you need to find out which type of single you are, before you attempt to answer those people. Because if you don’t, you will give out the vibes of a confused person, and there will be a power imbalance where they will feel they can manipulate you to do what they want.

1. Seeker

Photo by Matt Sclarandis on Unsplash

If you are a seeker, you most likely have been single for quite some time, and right now are looking for someone to date. However, you are not sure where to look for, and which type of person you want. You simply know you want to date someone.

You Need to Stop Looking Outside and Start to Look Within

First, you need to get your life goals set up.

Think about your inner qualities. How would you like to live your ideal life? Is it a peaceful and serene life? Is it a fun-filled exciting and spontaneous life? Is it an ambitious life full of hopes for the future? Or does it have more or less all of those features?

Now once you are sure of it, start looking out for people who resonate with those qualities in your life.

That person should be supporting almost every single aspect of your ideal life, plus more!

Your Answer to the Nosy people Should Go Along,

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“Well, I’m looking for someone with whom I can connect better. Let’s see what happens!”

2. Prioritizer

Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash

You are not looking for someone, because you already have several people you like. People are waiting for you and you only have to say YES for a new relationship to blossom.

All you need to do is to prioritize people in the way they match your lifestyle.

Right now, you feel quite good having to reply to 8 “Good Morning Princess!” messages, but unless you are going to sort out your Princes Charming soon, you are going to end up having no options.

So go get your priorities sorted out, and sequence people in descending order in the way they match your interests and your life goals. Then select the best one out of them.

You may have a long queue of carriages waiting for you, but the time is ticking and they all would go away if you take too long to open your doors.

Your Answer to the Nosy people Should Go Along,

“There are actually quite a few in my mind. I’m still not sure who is better!”

If they say, “Be quick or you will end up single!”

Say, “It’s better to be single than rushing and regretting later!”

3. Awaiter

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For you, there are so many people lined up for your hand, but the one you like is not in the queue. So you are waiting for them.

This is quite a miserable situation. However, neither settling down with whatever you got nor eternally waiting for your Cinderella, is the best decision right now.

If Your Love Interest Doesn’t Like You Back, Look Beyond Your Perimeter and Look For Someone else Who Is Similar To Them

People say every person is unique. But that doesn’t mean nobody is irreplaceable.

There could be hundreds if not thousands of people who have the same or better qualities than your love interest and even a few tens would like you back. If you look beyond your crush’s immaculate figure, you will find at least one of those better people lurking around looking for someone like you.

So stand up, and look out for them. You don’t have to settle down with whatever you got.

Your Answer to the Nosy people Should Go Along,

“It’s better to be single than settling down with people I don’t like and compromising on my goals”

4. Recluse

Photo by Kyle Glenn on Unsplash

You are single and do not wish to change this status anytime sooner. You are getting acclimatized to the notion of solitude and you are starting to love it.

You enjoy going on hikes solo or with platonic friends and enjoy not having to update a partner 24×7 about your whereabouts. You enjoy sipping a coffee in a cafe while reading a book without anyone bothering you to get up and go shopping.

In Fact, You Are Happy the Way You Are

This is a blissful situation, however, you need to be sure, you love solitude and are not depressed. It is very easy to misunderstand the ‘feeling-numb’ sensation of depression as enjoyment of solitude.

You don’t need to do anything specific as long as you are happy. And you don’t need to answer anybody for your lack of interest in a relationship.

Your Answer to the Nosy people Should Go Along,

“I’m happy the way I’m right now. But the moment I feel the need for a partner, I’ll definitely look for someone.”

5. Gloomer

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

You are single, and unhappy about it. You miss your sex life, and you miss your ex. You wallow in sadness and you aren’t seeing anything straight in your miserable life.

You Need Help!

Reaching out for help is the best thing for you right now. You can confide your worries to a friend, but talking to a therapist or meeting a psychiatrist would help you the most.

Being extremely worried after breakups, or feeling sad and unwanted after a long period of being single are genuine concerns you need to talk with your therapist.

Your life is worthy, your feelings are valid, and you need to get professional help to come back to your happy self as soon as possible. Then you can be one of the other single categories and plan your life accordingly.

Your Answer to the Nosy people Should Go Along,

“Thanks for your concern, I’m actually working on my mental health right now. I’ll find someone as soon as I feel better.”

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Being social animals, humans are naturally nosy about other people’s affairs. We would never be able to avoid other people who are asking us why we are single.

However, we should remember that being single is a totally valid lifestyle and is not an odd case. If you are single and looking, take your time and look for the best one for yourself, and if you are single but not looking for someone, just enjoy the way you are right now.

Last but not the least, be confident and assertive when you answer those nosy people who question the meaning of your single life.

That would exuberate the vibe that only YOU have the power to make important decisions for your life, and nobody else.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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