Why are the Best Conversations the Dangerous Ones?

You’ve probably noticed a sad trend in the world. And it revolves around conversation.

Or the lack thereof.

Walking into a restaurant, you see it. Husband and wife, both have heads buried in their phones. Frantically texting back and forth. But not with each other.

Or a high school party. Boys and girls are on their phones. Texting away. Just not with anyone attending the party.

When’s the last time you had a deep conversation?

True Conversations Are Dangerous

At the Catalyst Conference in Atlanta in 2014, Author Ian Cron stated:

The dangerous stuff comes out in the discussions

This line struck me.

It’s also made me realize that we avoid conversations. Especially the deep, life-changing conversations we long for.

Rather, we substitute true conversation for quick quibbles.

We ask each other how we’re doing. While passing by like strangers in the wind.

We’re startled when someone utters the words “terrible” or “not so good, man..”

These aren’t the conversations we’re used to having. We’re used to having simple conversations that are safe.

True conversations require more of us. We have to dig deeper. We have to open up.

WE HAVE TO BE VULNERABLE!

Who wants to be vulnerable? I don’t. It’s not easy. It’s not safe. It’s not pleasant.

And yet, if we want real relationships we have to be willing to have true conversations that are dangerous.

What Are Dangerous Conversations?

Dangerous conversations are when we’re willing to lay aside our defensive nature. Dangerous conversations happen when we’re in a safe place.

We’ve been told not to talk about politics, faith, love, hurt, pain. The list goes on and on about topics that are taboo to talk about.

The truth is, these are the dangerous conversations. These are the conversations that we must have.

As they show who we truly are.

We’re exposed in the conversations that aren’t safe. We’re telling of our feelings and our thoughts and of our nature.

These are the fearsome, powerfully connecting, conversation topics that bring us closer together.

Why Dangerous Conversations Are Healthy

No one gets to truly know another person with wimpy conversations.

Topics such as the weather or who’s football team won don’t go deep. They stay on the surface level of connection.

To go deep, we have to go dangerous. We have to open up.

This is why we need dangerous conversations.

You can’t get to know someone talking about the weather. You can’t get to know someone talking about last night’s baseball game.

You get to know someone by talking about what matters to them.

This is conversation about family, friends, religion, politics, hobbies, etc.

The truth is, dangerous conversations are healthy because they help us know one another. We discover what each other are passionate about and what drives us.

Let’s agree to stop hiding behind passive conversations. Let’s begin engaging one another with truly dangerous conversations.

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Photo: Unsplash

This essay originally appeared on Joe Lalonde’s blog. 

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