You’ve probably noticed a sad trend in the world. And it revolves around conversation.
Or the lack thereof.
Walking into a restaurant, you see it. Husband and wife, both have heads buried in their phones. Frantically texting back and forth. But not with each other.
Or a high school party. Boys and girls are on their phones. Texting away. Just not with anyone attending the party.
When’s the last time you had a deep conversation?
True Conversations Are Dangerous
At the Catalyst Conference in Atlanta in 2014, Author Ian Cron stated:
The dangerous stuff comes out in the discussions
This line struck me.
It’s also made me realize that we avoid conversations. Especially the deep, life-changing conversations we long for.
Rather, we substitute true conversation for quick quibbles.
We ask each other how we’re doing. While passing by like strangers in the wind.
We’re startled when someone utters the words “terrible” or “not so good, man..”
These aren’t the conversations we’re used to having. We’re used to having simple conversations that are safe.
True conversations require more of us. We have to dig deeper. We have to open up.
WE HAVE TO BE VULNERABLE!
Who wants to be vulnerable? I don’t. It’s not easy. It’s not safe. It’s not pleasant.
And yet, if we want real relationships we have to be willing to have true conversations that are dangerous.
What Are Dangerous Conversations?
Dangerous conversations are when we’re willing to lay aside our defensive nature. Dangerous conversations happen when we’re in a safe place.
We’ve been told not to talk about politics, faith, love, hurt, pain. The list goes on and on about topics that are taboo to talk about.
The truth is, these are the dangerous conversations. These are the conversations that we must have.
As they show who we truly are.
We’re exposed in the conversations that aren’t safe. We’re telling of our feelings and our thoughts and of our nature.
These are the fearsome, powerfully connecting, conversation topics that bring us closer together.
Why Dangerous Conversations Are Healthy
No one gets to truly know another person with wimpy conversations.
Topics such as the weather or who’s football team won don’t go deep. They stay on the surface level of connection.
To go deep, we have to go dangerous. We have to open up.
This is why we need dangerous conversations.
You can’t get to know someone talking about the weather. You can’t get to know someone talking about last night’s baseball game.
You get to know someone by talking about what matters to them.
This is conversation about family, friends, religion, politics, hobbies, etc.
The truth is, dangerous conversations are healthy because they help us know one another. We discover what each other are passionate about and what drives us.
Let’s agree to stop hiding behind passive conversations. Let’s begin engaging one another with truly dangerous conversations.
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Photo: Unsplash
This essay originally appeared on Joe Lalonde’s blog.
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5 Comments on "Why are the Best Conversations the Dangerous Ones?"
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it’s not as difficult as we make it out to be, Joseph. I have deep conversations with guys all the time, pondering everything from gender to the secrets of the universe. They are great, but we usually clear the room because most people find them boring. Go figure.
Great to hear that you’ve got friends that are open to conversations that are difficult and challenging! How have you gathered this group of people into your life?
Thnks for this meaningful story. I agree with all that’s in here…i think many people refrain from speaking bcos they are afraid of offending others…it can lead to fights tht some find tough to shake off their heads…but yes, dangerous conversations are truly the best ones.
That’s some good thoughts Sushi! It’s tough to be open and honest because there is the possibility that it will hurt. Though I think being hurt is better than being left in a bad place. What are your thoughts?
I try to talk but generally shut my mouth if i feel i might be talking to smeone who will never see my side of life. I say what i want and scoot. ?