Why Being Skinny (and Beautiful) Won’t Make You Happy

Let’s cut the cr*p: Attractive people are skinny.

The main beauty standard has changed, but it still says skinny people are more beautiful than chubby people. Don’t believe me? Then why does the internet go crazy when a curvy woman dates a six-packed man? This beauty standard is outdated, but it still shapes how we behave.

That’s why you think being skinny will finally make you happy.

If you struggle with your weight, it’s easy to believe being skinny will solve your problems. When you lose weight, you’ll become more attractive, find a relationship, and have new opportunities.

You’ll finally love yourself.

Well, I’m here to tell you that’s not true. Yes, losing weight might make you more attractive (according to the current beauty standard).

But would that make you truly happier?

You may feel tempted to say “yes.” But before you do, let me show you what’s behind the relationship between your body and happiness.

What price are you willing to pay?

Being skinny has a price.

You might say you can’t buy your weight with money (unless you have liposuction). But in a way, you can: You’ll buy healthier food, pay for a gym membership, and maybe even go to a nutritionist. But it goes way beyond money.

What about the price you can’t measure?

You can see this price in every sacrifice you make. You’ll have to eat salad when you want to eat pizza. You’ll have to go to the gym even when you’re tired. You’ll have to be disciplined when you want to relax. You’ll have to say “no” to friends.

You can’t measure discipline, time, and stress. Yet, you need all these things to lose weight. Nothing good comes without a price. And being skinny might make you happy, but paying this price won’t.

Before you make the commitment, know what price you’re willing to pay.

You have limited resources.

I have harsh news for you: You’re limited. Humans don’t have an endless supply of time, energy, money, and motivation. But what does that have to do with losing weight and happiness?

You already know losing weight comes at a cost. You also know you have limited resources. So here’s what nobody tells you when you decide to lose weight:

You give up on other things that can also make you happy.

Imagine your dream is to build a startup. Your startup will need the same things as your dream body: Time, energy, and motivation. If you only have one free hour per day, you can’t exercise and work on your startup. The same goes for your energy, motivation, and money.

You have to make choices.

And here’s the deal with choices: When you choose one thing, you always give up on something else.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying you shouldn’t follow your diet or exercise. But you need to manage your limited resources. When you prioritize your weight, that means other areas of your life are not your priority.

Your priorities can change with time. Your choices aren’t set in stone. Maybe now you want to lose weight, and next year you’ll want to build your startup. What matters is that your priorities are clear, so you can make better choices.

This leads me to the next point:

Is that truly your best version?

When you decide to lose weight, you’re looking for the best version of yourself. For most people, that means you’re more attractive, confident, and fit. These are all great qualities.

But what about your dreams?

Imagine you finally get skinny, but you don’t have the time or energy to pursue your dreams. Or you had to give up on friendships and hobbies. You’re skinny and beautiful. But you’re also lonely and unfulfilled.

Is that truly your best version?

When you give up on things that make you who you are, that price is too high. You need to find the right balance between achieving your goals and what you’re willing to sacrifice.

Your best version depends on what’s best for you. So find out what matters the most and focus on that. Everything else is just noise.

It’s not a competition.

When you feel insecure with your body, there’s one easy trap to fall into: Comparing to others. You’ll wonder why other people are fit and beautiful, and you wish you could be like them. You might even resent these people.

But your weight has nothing to do with others.

Just because someone else is beautiful, it doesn’t mean you can’t be as well. You and the other pretty woman in your gym can both be skinny and attractive. It’s not a zero-sum game: You can all win.

Beauty is not a competition (unless you’re in a beauty pageant).

So don’t fall into that trap. It’s great to share your journey with others, but don’t compare. Comparison will stress you and kill your motivation. It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

If you decide to lose weight, do it for yourself.

What truly makes you happy?

I wish I could tell you the secret formula to happiness. But I can’t. What I can do is give you a different perspective on happiness.

Great happiness comes when you create multiple pillars.

Imagine how many different areas you have in your life: Your job, friendships, family, hobbies, and even the place where you live. All these things make your life.

These are the pillars that make your happiness.

When your job isn’t well, your friendships can support you. When you’re stressed, your hobbies can help you relax. They balance each other, so you don’t depend on only one.

Your weight can make you happy. It can increase your self-esteem, help you meet new people, and even make you more confident. It changes your relationship with yourself. But it’s only one pillar.

Your weight doesn’t hold the power to make you eternally happy (or unhappy).

Happiness is not one thing; it’s the overall combination of all pillars.

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Let me go back to the question in the introduction: Are skinny people happier?

Well, it depends. I’d say it can make your life better. Let’s be honest: life is easier when you fit into the beauty standard. But happiness isn’t a formula; it’s something you build every day. If your weight is the only thing that makes you happy, that’s extremely scary.

Things are never as simple as they look.

You don’t want to lose weight because of the number. You want confidence, beauty, or a relationship. Yes, your weight can help you get these things. But I think a better approach is to find out what you truly want (maybe there’s another way to get it).

You should still care for your health. It’s great to exercise and eat salad. But not at the cost of your mental health.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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