When I was in college, a friend asked me once, “Why do men treat you so well?”
“What do you mean?” I asked her.
“They always open doors for you.”
Now, I don’t know if most women care about that anymore. And many women don’t want men to do it for them. I’ve even seen women scold men for what I consider a simple act of courtesy.
I routinely prop a door open as I pass through so the next person just puts their hand out to keep it open instead of having the door bang in their face. If I see someone carrying packages or with mobility issues — then I wait and hold the door open. None of this is rocket science.
With friends, we hold the door open for each other.
However, on dates, I liked having men hold doors for me, and when they did it, I smiled and said thank you.
Some women say it signals you are helpless.
To me, it was a sign of their desire to serve me. Of caring for me, like they did by walking on the outside of the street, and carrying things for me, and so on. They were looking out for me and showing their feelings as men often do — through their actions.
Men often show their love through their actions, not words
I don’t know if it’s genetics or socialization, but many men I’ve known have a hard time saying they love you. They’d rather show it. It’s like men are all German. You know they love you because they never forget to take out the trash.
Being present is also important to them. Men show you they love you by showing up.
When my Dad was in the hospital, I worked on an assignment while sharing his hospital room. We didn’t talk. We didn’t share our feelings. But I was there. So he felt loved.
If you’re not sure what I’m talking about — watch a few episodes of King of the Hill.
To be fair, I didn’t like it until I moved to Texas and met the characters. They all exist with some variations here, and suddenly I found the show hilarious and decided Mike Judge was a genius.
In all seriousness, though, watching how awkwardly Hank Hill expresses his affection for his wife and son gives a lot of insight in understanding many men.
Dating in College — Lessons Learned
I got asked out for dates a lot in college. In fact, I kept a calendar and sometimes I’d be booked a month in advance.
One time I got home and my roommates told me Dave had called.
“Did you get his last name?” I asked. “Because I’m dating 3 Daves and I need to know which one.”
The men all knew I was dating freely. I was totally honest with everyone, and I wasn’t sleeping with any of them. I was up front about that too.
I was a girl, and like Cyndi Lauper once sang, I just wanted to have fun.
Men would take me out on fun dates. We’d talk and laugh and go on long walks and play pinball or ride motorcycles or go dancing or to the symphony. I was open to almost anything he wanted to do as long as it wasn’t illegal.
I wasn’t looking for a commitment, but I still had my standards. If a man didn’t meet them, he got no second date.
What were my standards?
I didn’t want anyone who wasn’t respectful and kind to others, but the most important person on that list — me. Not because I’m more important than anyone else, because I’m not, but because I was his date. And if he and I were going to continue dating, then I needed to be treated well.
How do you get a man to treat you well??
The answer is both simple and, for many women, hard.
It’s really that simple.
The flip side of this is that you have to treat him well in return. You have to have integrity, show respect for others, be honest and kind. If you don’t exemplify good character, then why do you expect if from others?
As always the man (or woman) in the mirror is your first priority.
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This post was previously published on Shefali O’Hara’s blog.
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