Why I Have No Friends and I’m Okay With It

After breaking up with my girlfriend, I realized how much of a loner I am. There was one friend I could share my feelings with, and he lives across the country. Everybody else is gone for one reason or another.

It’s not because I’m getting older or that my friends are married but rather my introverted personality.

I-just-don’t-see-the-point-of-socializing.

I don’t enjoy small talks unless it’s with someone I really like. I’d prefer to sit in my room and let my mind wander off than talk to someone I don’t click with about the weather.

I don’t use social media, I don’t date online, and I don’t have a nightlife. And I’m perfectly fine with that.

What I do struggle with is the shame of not having friends. Since I’ve moved to California about four years ago, I’ve not made what I would call a real friend. It’s sad. Outside of my ex-girlfriend, everybody else was either casual acquaintances or work connections. I have no one to play basketball or video games with or talk to.

I don’t need five hundred contacts in my phone, one or two good pals is all I need. With that being said, what can you do? Real friends are hard to find, it takes luck.

It’s liberating to know I’ll be fine alone and be able to write about it

I’ve started accepting that part of me — the shame associated with a lack of companionship. For a long time I tried to convince people I wasn’t a loner and even if I was, it was due to my pickiness.

Now I don’t hesitate to tell people I don’t have lawyer friends and I don’t know anyone from Las Vegas. Heck, I might have five people show up at my wedding, and two of them being my parents. I’m not proud of it, but it’s who I am.

I lose confidence when I go against my nature

The western world is not very fond of introverts.

So what?

I’ve spent too long fighting my own nature and disapproving myself. But I’ve realized, why hide the ugly parts, why judge myself for the way I was born and raised?

Most people mold themselves to fit the normal description, begging and hoping for the world to accept them. But we aren’t meant to be cut out as another perfectly round cookie, we’re suppose to be a little off, it’s individuality. The sooner we accept that, the more secure we’ll become.

Once you have accepted your flaws no-one can use them against you. -George R.R. Martin

I love that quote. By being transparent, I’m showing self-acceptance. Nobody else can really say anything to trigger me anymore.

Challenge yourself and be naked in front of the world

Try opening up, first to people you trust. Tell them about your sensitive parts, someone might judge you for it, and that’s okay. Because they’re the ones who haven’t confronted their own insecurities.

Leaving unresolved fear and pain will hold us back.

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Previously published on medium

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