Why I Left a Good Man for God

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?

― Mary Oliver

January 6 2020, was not a typical day for most Australians. Much of the east coast of Australia, where I live, was engulfed by massive bushfires unlike anything in living memory. In my suburb in the middle of Melbourne, my own home, far from the fires, was blanketed by smoke. The reality was everywhere and unavoidable.

Inside my home, another situation was also glaringly unavoidable. My husband and I sat across from each other in the living room. I think I was holding my breath as he asked,

So are you done?

The words rushed from me as though an invisible hand were thumping me on the back,

Yes. I think it’s time to end our marriage.

I had held this thought in for so long. Too long. My husband looked at me from across the living room. We were both so tired. He replied gently,

Me too.

It was the miracle I had prayed for every day for months but hardly dared believe would be possible. To this day, we have managed one of the most amicable and open-hearted relationship endings that I have ever heard. But I should have known it would be this way. I knew this decision to end my marriage was a direct instruction from God.

For more than a year, our relationship hadn’t been good. We both felt like our marriage did not meet our needs, and resentment was building. The Institute’s rapid growth meant that I was travelling more and more, and my absence was a heavy burden for my husband. It hurt me that my success was a source of resentment. The truth was we wanted different things now. We had had an incredible 12 years, but it was time to let go.

Let go,

had been the constant guidance moving through me for months.

It is safe to make this bold leap into the unknown. It is time for the next phase of your evolution.

‘It’ felt so profoundly held. I knew it was direct instruction from my superconscious intuition and that everything would unfold with ease and grace, even if there were hard times. And there have been.

It felt, and still feels, like a spiritual calling. Instead of being called to take holy vows or walk the Camino, I was being asked in no uncertain terms to leave the comfort zone of domestic life behind and to align even more fiercely with my purpose. It was time for me to centre my relationship with God.

I remember something Sally Thurley said to me when I interviewed her a few years ago. It struck me so profoundly. The mystical woman is the ultimate wild woman. Taking God as my primary partner might seem reckless, but the wild intuitive knowing in me says otherwise. I have seen what happens when I choose my divine truth first and the consequences when I don’t.

To choose to take God as my primary partner is to say that I choose myself above all else. It’s a bold move. And an easy one to forget. To place our holiness first in a world obsessed with the external and material is an unpopular choice. But I am not the first to make it, and many have done so more boldly than by simply ending a relationship.

I also made that choice many times within my marriage, and without question, it contributed to the relationship’s demise. I don’t regret that. I had to become congruent with what God was asking of me (aka what I was asking of myself). The marriage wasn’t the problem (although it was timely that we moved on). The problem was that I was clinging to my comfort zone by staying. For all the challenges between my husband and me, it was otherwise a very nice, very stable life that allowed me to focus on my mission without too much distraction.

I knew that when I listened to that voice within me, which was a roar by the time I finally spoke up, there would be an inevitable period of chaos and loss of control. I wouldn’t be able to control my soon to be ex-husband’s response. I wouldn’t be able to control my childrens’ responses. There would be uncertainty for everyone, emotionally, physically, and financially. Life would be in flux. And I was resisting it because I wanted to stay 100% focused on my mission.

But I could feel the more profound truth. My mission, my work, my purpose are all the same thing. To know myself as God. That shows up in the world through the work of the Institute and getting to support others also to know that they are God (because there is only one of us here, right?). My service is my medicine. And in staying in my comfort zone, no matter why, when God was calling me into bold action, was to betray my own divine, glorious nature.

Choosing God first isn’t a choice I will only need to make once. It isn’t an easy choice. But, for me, the only option is to privilege that wild, untamed wisdom within. In truth, I have made those bold, wild leaps in faith all my life. But as I got older and life felt more serious, the responsibilities more significant, including to two young men I am lucky enough to mother, I felt myself teetering on that precipice for longer and longer.

What is a well-lived life? For me, that answer is simple. To make choices in every moment that take me closer to remembering the truth that I AM God—through joy, pleasure, moonlight, heartache, doing the dishes, raising boys, eating, dancing, sobbing, grieving, in sucking the marrow from every moment. My life is so far out of my comfort zone you wouldn’t believe it. But I cannot go wrong when my superconscious intuition leads the dance.

In case you too are feeling that ultimate of wild calls — to partner with your divinity and leave the world of the known behind, then you are so welcome here. Being in our divinity, paradoxically, makes us more empowered to participate in the world. As divine beings in a human experience, we can honestly know the world, not fade away in the illusion of the comfort zone.

I have learnt to privilege the voice of the deepest state of intuition — superconscious intuition — over decades of practice and learning and humbly failing again and again. It is a lifelong love affair to become intimate with the voice of my soul and to lead my life from that place. I invite and challenge you to do the same.

Dr Ricci-Jane Adams is a teacher, author, writer, speaker and high priestess who runs the Institute for Intuitive Intelligence. Her writing has previously appeared on Mind Body Green over at Sivana East and on the homepage at Elephant Journal. Pre-sales for her revolutionary new book have just opened at https://www.riccijaneadams.com/superconscious-intuition-the-book/

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