It’s disrespectful to dish out advice when they are unwanted. Unsolicited advice often feels critical rather than helpful.
I hate dealing with people who think they know more about me than I know myself. When in truth, they’ve only spent less than 10 minutes with me.
When you are single and over thirty, you get more and more talks about marriage and children, whether you ask for it or not. It’s annoying to invade people’s privacy.
Just yesterday, I felt like I’ve had enough of it. I was with a familiar customer when suddenly he got curious about my age.
I told him, and he grinned, giving me that face that I know too well. Then he said I looked too young to be 37. That I could easily pass for a twenty-something.
I wasn’t sure if I should take that as a compliment or an insult, but that didn’t stop him from devouring his inner thoughts.
He thinks I’m getting old to remain unbothered about marriage. So I should take his advice and start kissing up to men so I can get married before 40.
This wasn’t the first time I’ve heard those words. On several occasions, these are the advice I get:
“Women are not equal to men, and they never will. Stop buying into nonsense.” “You are going to end up alone and die miserably with this mindset of yours.” “There’s nothing like a fifty-fifty commitment in a marriage. Get over yourself.”
When I refuted his advice, he bluntly told me “He can’t be with a woman who doesn’t know her place.”
And what place is that, if I may ask? “In the kitchen or tending to the kids.”
“Oh! Well, I’m glad I’m not your woman,” I said.
I have heard countless of this unsolicited advice from male friends, relatives, and acquaintances.
It seems I’m living in a world that exists only in my head. I want too much. I expect too much.
But how much is too much?
As far as I know, demanding your respect shouldn’t be negotiated. Every human being deserves to be respected and treated equally. Apparent, my orthodox male companion thinks otherwise.
Culture robs men of their humanity
Men expect too much for so little. They marry with the hope the woman bows to their every demand, but they never give her the same courtesy.
They spend the subsequent years trying to change the woman they married. Then they fantasize about what life with another woman might be like.
No doubt, women do have their own shortcomings. But I like to focus on the men here since they happen to be the centre of the universe.
Our culture normalizes the idea that possessive and controlling behavior borne of jealousy are romantic and acts of true love.
Many people and communities can benefit greatly from a wide, interconnected, interdependent support network.
Expecting one partner to have complete control over the other and expecting them to fulfill your every need is obsolete and unreasonable. Forcing it to work will only leave each person stifled and unfulfilled.
Such a level of control causes men to reject their vulnerability in order to prove their masculinity. With restricted emotional expression, men are reduced to seeking success, power, and competition.
Vulnerability makes us human, and without it, we are nothing but filths cursing the earth.
Closing thoughts
Harmful marriage practices are forms of violence that result from emotional limitations.
The male status quo has trained men to show no signs of caring, much less to love deeply.
There’s an opportunity to redefine masculine strength and let it encompass your inner struggles, fears, and loves. You can choose to change history by putting your vulnerability first.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: Shutterstock.com
