Why I’m Addicted To Toxic Friendships

We all have at least one. Friends who perhaps we grew up with but would never befriend as adults, or mutuals with whom we are forced to spend time because of our social circle. Either way, I’ve got to admit — I’m an addict.

Despite real-life (hopefully) not being as dramatic as Mean Girls, it sure can get pretty competitive out there. We can find ourselves in situations where negativity is hard to avoid.

So, instead of focusing on the bad, I try to find the silver linings.

They motivate me

I am very much aware of how any good news utterly infuriates the toxic people in my life. This acts as a subconscious push in striving to better my life, myself and work even harder than I already do — an effortless way of being unbothered by the drama that they create.

We tend to be more productive when we know that we are being observed. Our levels of performance rise when our manager is in the office, we lift those extra few kilo’s at the gym when our crush is looking over, and in the same way, we can use the judgmental eyes of our frenemies to better our lives.

There is something even more satisfying about success when it is dissatisfying to others.

To overcome the toxicity is power

Equally, I have a select few friends whose vibes did not quite match mine at the beginning of our friendships. Fast forward to the present, and we are stronger than some of my more long-term and peaceful relationships.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger — right?

If you can put in the effort to understand why this person behaves the way they do, a truly genuine connection may unfold. A lot of the time, if two similar personalities come together, it can ignite fire (…the wrong kind).

When you begin to uncover common denominators, you may find that being the opposite of ‘opposites attract’ is actually causing the friction that is preventing your friendship to evolve.

What we see in others, is often a reflection of what they see in us — chances are, they may be getting off-vibes from you too. So, before categorizing them as just another one of your toxic friends…give them a shot.

They’re a learning curve

They provide you with a better receptor for future toxicity and how to deal with it.

We will all inevitably encounter toxic people in different areas of our lives. They will be in our workplace and, perhaps, even in romantic relationships — the more experience that we have up our sleeves, the better the world will become at handling conflict maturely.

You can allow them to motivate you to not become them.

The arrogance and conniving ways of my frenemies typically make me appreciate the more genuine friendships in my life. It makes it easier to recognize my own toxic traits — be it finding it difficult to be happy for someone when I’m currently not having the best of times or pressuring a friend to take my side when friction arises.

When I look back on my early twenties, there were countless friendships lost and endless bridges burned. I try not to dwell on those that caused me grief or heartache — the good ones.

But rather, the growth of leaving toxic friends behind. There seems to always be a scattered little path of things that they, in their own indirectly twisted way, helped me to achieve.

If there is an absolutely unavoidable family member or someone in the same friendship group that you will inevitably face for years to come, perhaps try to understand them, but if they remain a toxic entity in your life — is it always such a bad thing?

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Previously Published on medium

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