Why Risk-Taking Pays Off

I refuse to accept the “life just sort of sucks” argument when it comes to jobs, relationships, health, etc. With that mindset, I’m setting myself up for a shitty life. Why should I have to settle for any of those things? When faced with increasingly high standards, lower pay, fierce competition, we begin to accept defeat before even trying. Somewhere along the way, we accept that adulthood is not only hard but also lifeless. We try to distract ourselves with stuff and accept that complaining about life is the only way to live it.

Watching most of the adults as a kid, I always thought “Okay. Well, they found out how to live life and now they’re living it — how they want. My teachers, the cool lady that lives upstairs — they’ve got it together.”

It is difficult to put into words what I meant by “had it together”. They just did. They probably didn’t have the inner dialogue of what to wear, when to raise my hand in class, or how to speak to Chris in class. They just knew what to do and when. I couldn’t wait to grow up and have those questions answered. I would live in a world where I didn’t need to worry about seeming smart or funny in front of the cool kids. I would know exactly which outfits to wear to adult parties which were chic but didn’t seem like I was trying too hard. I would have all the answers.

I waited for this reality eagerly throughout middle school and high school, but come college, I started to question this idea. The adults that I saw and met around town actually didn’t seem too happy. And by this time, I was technically an adult and I still asked myself questions stemming from self-doubt and insecurities. Do those not go away?

I held out hope. Sure, I didn’t know what I wanted to do after college, but adults had jobs. They had stable jobs that they went to every day. They rushed to the office and rushed back. And of course, that’s what they liked to do because why else would they do it each day?

. . .

Fast forward two months before graduation and what do you know? I have no clue what I am going to do. The narrative quickly changed from “don’t worry you have time to figure it out” to “so what’re your plans after graduation”.

I’m sorry! I seemed to have missed the middle part where we figured it out. There were two groups: one who “had it figured out” and one who missed the planning party. I quickly whipped some bullshit together — one of my top skills (please endorse on LinkedIn) and came up with a “plan”. It was a plan that made sense based on what I studied combined with practicality. I studied International Relations with a focus on International Development and Environmental Sustainability/Global Health. Not only is that a mouth full, but also didn’t narrow anything down.

I did and said what was expected. My plan was drum roll, please…

To land have two part-time, paid internships! Now that made sense — the best of both worlds. I can try out two types of organizations, develop networks, and hopefully, land a full-time job. And better yet, this satisfied anyone who asked me about my plans.

However, you would be surprised to learn that this wasn’t the heart-pumping, exciting opportunity that would make me whip open my laptop, edit my resume to highlight my top skills, and present myself passionately to these employers. Like most graduates, I grudgingly spoke about how “excited I was to apply for this position” and sent out a couple of applications.

. . .

This was my unenthusiastic welcome into adulthood with a few half-hearted fines and dulls sprinkled onto the grey cake with a side of lukewarm coffee. Reluctantly make plans out of social pressure and slug through applications until I found a job that was fine. Don’t get me wrong — it won’t be bad. There are people out there with difficult jobs, but you definitely won’t feel good or motivated to go in every day.

All in all, the cool lady who lived upstairs was probably not excited to leave for work each day. And instead of probably asked herself at least once a day “what the fuck am I doing”. Not at nothing in particular just generally into the universe.

Everyone says or so I repeatedly heard, your first job sort of sucks. It’s going to be busy work, but with time and dedication, you will be qualified for other interesting positions. That’s what everyone else was doing. A couple of years and a degree later, I was back to wanting to fit in and be special at the same time, but this time including employers and peers.

This realization about adulthood wasn’t one big blow, but smaller hits throughout the years until I also began to think, “of course you’re not going to feel great. It’s just how it is.”

Throughout college, everyone was just “hanging in there” when asked how’re you doing. If you’re still just hanging in there, maybe you should climb into another tree that you like better already? No one was truly excited about anything. They would no longer be beaming with energy and excitement like when we were kids. That didn’t happen anymore. And if you were, people would look at you strangely. Not only did I miss the future planning party, but I also missed the “life sort of sucks, so just live with it” party.

People were complaining about everything — classes, finals, administration, annoying partners. It seemed like nothing was going right for anyone. Therefore, it made sense that the jobs we looked for and accepted were fine. Not great, but it’s okay — they’re not supposed to be. We have to wait to get The Great Jobs. I wondered what are we waiting for? And are we supposed to hate our life until then? And suddenly at some random moment, we will get that great job, be happy, have amazing partners! Wow — now that’s a future that I want, but too bad I’m going to feel meh about my life until then.

Then, through bouts of procrastination between the dreadful internship search, I came across a documentary about an organization. About 25 minutes in, I paused the video and I said, “That’s where I want to be.” I looked up the organization and found that the volunteer opportunities were closed. I thought, “Typical. Why do I keep forgetting that life just sort of sucks?” As I was about to close the window, I saw a job posting on the corner. I quickly scanned it. I wasn’t qualified at all. But what’s the harm? What’s the worst that will happen? Rejection — I’m already on a steady stream of that for internships as a graduate!

As I was completing the application, I was excited. I wanted to do the research. I wanted this job. Submitting that application had my heart pumping. It felt like I had just casually asked my crush of several years if they wanted to grab some coffee or something. It would be fine if they said no; I would only overanalyze that interaction repeatedly each day for a few months. That’s it. After all, I am low-key and casual. But, if they said yes, I would definitely need to be teleported to my room to dance and bounce around immediately until I got tired.

Fortunately, sending that email would result in a happy dance!

Within a month, I accepted and was packed to go to India for a year. No part of me second-guessed anything. It felt right. And to my surprise, I actually liked what I was doing. I felt happy and excited to go into work each day. I would go for my afternoon walk and think “I can’t believe that this is my job.”

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After that contract ended, I decided I’m not going to play the “feel numb until the right amount of time has passed for something actually great to happen” game. I don’t know if it ever will. There are some options that just feel right. They don’t seem logical. To avoid feeling numb, you have to take risks. Explore the opportunity that you’re not qualified for, you’ve never experienced before, you don’t know anything about — if it doesn’t work out the path most taken is still going to be there. But the question is — do you want to be on it?

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This post was previously published on Change Becomes You and is republished here with permission from the author.
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