Why Shouldn't You Let Go of Your Toxic Ex?

Toxic relationships are so intense that you rarely see what it is until you get out of it. You start to realize how much they excelled in the guilt-tripping, the boundary breeches, the emotional blackmailing, the pushing the pulling, and the gaslighting.

Now that you are out of that cycle, Congratulations!

But, you don’t have to run away.

It is not yet the time to let go of them(and their actions), at least mentally.

This is because the toxic ex can teach you so many lessons, even from your block list.

Your Personality

Until today they governed how you thought of yourself. How you should live, how you should use your very own social media and the people you should talk or not talk to were in their emotional control. Everything you did was to please their sentiments and how they saw life.

Now, you are out, and you can take a real long breath of freedom. At the same time, you may feel kind of lost as you lost the structure they provided and how unfair it was.

This is not the time to bedhop and act like a teenager whose mom went on a trip but to take a seat and decide what you want with your life.

Get the control of your life into your hands. Find your personality, your goals, and your boundaries. Sometimes your toxic ex might have made you feel horrible about making career decisions or further education. They might have made you feel bad for talking to friends and going on a vacation. They may have breached your personal boundaries claiming that relationships are about uniting into one. Maybe for them, it is, but it doesn’t have to be with you that way. You deserve your own free time and personal moments even while being in the relationship.

Now is the time to set your goals and find who you are.

Your Relationship Style

After a relationship that made you feel exhausted, please take some time to identify what made you go down that rabbit hole of accepting toxicity. There is a reason why you didn’t leave earlier and this is the time to find that insecurity within you.

Do you want to take a break and enjoy your single life?
Are you ready for a relationship and if yes, what do you want?
What qualities would you expect in a new partner?
Do you plan to actively seek out or would you let the time and circumstances help you out?
Once you are in it, are you more educated about the red flags and how to recognize them?

Your Personal Connections

After a toxic relationship that made you feel guilty for talking to friends, going out with colleagues, or being with family, it is time to rekindle those personal connections once more.

After your toxic ex vilified everyone around you except themselves, you have to revisit the memories and be around those who don’t make you feel suffocated.

Plan trips, dinner outs, and whatever events with them to feel those connections lively again.

Your Mental Health

After so much gaslighting and guilt-tripping you may be at a low point despite you may not feel so. Think of what they did to you, and identify what problems are there with you right now.

Then you may realize that it is time to talk to a therapist or at least a friend to make sure you are not reliving those choking emotions once again.

You may be having so many thoughts of going back to them but that is only to fill the void that is recently formed in your head. You are so much better off without them even if they showered you with the most luxurious items and the incidental love a person can fathom.

Your worth does not depend on them, and no matter how many times they shout that you will never meet anyone as good as they are, you are going to get a better person if that is what you want in life.

…

When you turn around and look there may be so many good and nice moments that you shared. But look at the bigger picture and be happy that you are done with it.

You handled them, now you can handle anything that would come your way!

You are stronger and more resilient!

So do not let them go, and keep their memories forever to know what never to do ever again!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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