She Said He Said try to uncover what it is about nice guys that makes most women so hesitant.
Dear Sexes: There’s this guy who has asked me out a couple times. He’s cute, he’s got a pretty good job, and he’s really nice. But I just don’t feel a spark. My friends think I should give him a chance, but what’s the point?
She Said: The Nice Guy Phenomenon: when single women say they want to meet a nice guy, but when they meet him they just don’t feel “that way” about him. What do we want?!
What we want is drama! No? Not you? Sure. Think about this: ever seen a romantic comedy where a girl meets a nice guy, falls in love, they date for a while, and then they get married?
No. You haven’t. And that’s why you don’t want to go out with this guy. You want Tom Hanks to destroy your family business while secretly writing you sexy emails. You and Reese Witherspoon reject Patrick Dempsey in favor of Josh Lucas, who yells at you, rejects your phone calls, and basically tries to get struck by lightning. You would throw yourself onto train tracks to save snooty bastard Peter Gallagher (eyebrows and all) and not even notice that Bill Pullman is standing there in his denim jacket just waiting for you to see that he loves you.
I bet you’re all aww, that was so romantic! right now, aren’t you? Don’t deny it! We love drama. Drama has been selling seats in theaters since you put on your best toga to go to the Delphi in ancient Greece. We love it more than we love love itself. Seriously.
But after a while all that drama gets draining. Eventually you’ll want to put that energy into your career, your kids, your tennis swing, or your collection of red slider turtles—whatever weird thing makes you happy. Because changing your locks to keep Mr. Drama out, just to get a new key made for him a week later, is only fun once. OK, maybe twice.
So yes, go out with him. What can it hurt? Maybe you’ll learn he’s been to prison and that will make you like him more.
He Said: Josie, you are right—about two things. Girls love the drama. And drama is draining. Who wants to be drained all the time (no pun intended)?!
As far as the question at hand, what IS the point of going out with a handsome, friendly, employed man? Well, what is the point of NOT going out with him? If you go on a date with this guy, and you still don’t feel “it,” no harm done. Regardless, you get a free meal, some good chat, and remember … you are a woman. It is possible this man might become more attractive to you as you get to know him better. You never know until you try. Try, try, and try again (or at least one time).
If you have a question for Josie and Eli, ask it here.