If marriage is about trust, honesty, communication, and respect, it really doesn’t seem that scary.
I mean these are wholesome concepts that we were taught as kids.
I wish. My biggest fear around marriage is not knowing if I need to let go.
Quality, not Quantity
Imagine you have the perfect relationship
You guys are honest with each other, have complete trust, communicate effectively and respect yourselves and each other.
How do you actually know it’s going well?
The best indicator of how well my marriage is doing is to assess how I feel when I’m heading home from work.
It’s my quality check, every day. And if a day comes and I’m not excited anymore, I know it’s time for us to do some work on those simple, wholesome things.
And if that indicator continues to tell me to drive slower, to take a long way home, to stay a little later at work or to avoid his presence when I enter the door, it either means we haven’t worked hard enough or that it’s time to move on.
I’ve had to face that decision point once in my life and I chose the latter. I didn’t have my quality check back then and I wasn’t married.
But now I am and I’m better equipped with all the lessons learned from parting ways with someone I spent 8 years of my life with.
Speaking of years together…
Yes — it’s amazing to be with someone for so long considering how high divorce rates are nowadays.
When I hear about couples who seem to be doing so well part ways, my initial feelings are always disappointment and sadness.
But it’s only for a brief moment because then I put my empathy shoes on and realize what this couple bravely did.
They are executing one of life’s hardest truths: nothing is permanent
I then start to feel inspired and excited about this couple. They each have new beginnings, new life adventures to discover, new challenges to overcome and new feelings to experience.
It’s a fresh start for both people, a better journey that they each will embark on, knowing themselves a lot more than they did before.
Therefore, I firmly believe that however long marriage is, it’s really about the quality of the relationship that determines whether saying “I do” was worth it.
And if it’s just not worth the effort anymore, it’s time to move forward and that’s not a bad thing.
So do I celebrate my wedding anniversaries?
But I’d rather celebrate every day coming home from work, feeling excited to share my day with someone I love.
So Readers, what’s your take on quality versus quantity? How do you feel when other couples get divorced or separated?
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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Photo credit: Unsplash