My wife is sexually shut down; I hear these words often from men.
After many years in marriage, other priorities have taken over. Sex is last on her list. And that’s frustrating as hell.
Are you asking yourself…
Why won’t my wife have sex with me?
You may know the reasons. She’s exhausted with work, the kids, and home. But that doesn’t help from feeling rejected by her.
Sex is not just sex. It’s also how you feel connected, trusted and loved by your partner.
Are those things missing in your marriage?
If you said yes, that’s an extremely vulnerable place for you to be. And it can further increase feeling hopeless.
Still, I want to be clear. It’s not hopeless.
From coaching men through sex-compromised marriages for years and having been through one myself, I know this.
The feeling of hopelessness comes not so much from the lack of sex in your marriage but the feeling like you can’t do anything about it.
Frankly, there’s a huge opportunity here that most guys miss.
And that’s because most men tend to spiral down into what they’re not getting, instead of owning the desire that still lives in them.
It may seem like sugar-coating but let’s be clear, it’s awesome that you still desire your wife.
Now the key is to make that desire work for you instead of against you.
What stops you from creating a more sexually fulfilling marriage?
Think about it for a second. For real, what stops you?
The number one reason I hear from men is a fear of rejection. If that’s you as well, I have a lot of empathy for you.
Maybe you’ve experienced rejection in the past. Maybe you’re asking yourself, How many more times can I take “no” from her?
It’s a lot for a guy to experience rejection again and again. And in response, he often gives up altogether.
The reasoning goes like this – If I do nothing, say nothing, I won’t cause any problems and I won’t get rejected again.
Unfortunately, this mindset may get you through your days but it won’t get you through your years.
It’s a short-term strategy for what could otherwise be a long-term problem.
Still, some men go off into the sunset years of their life, shutting off their lower body to remain married.
Are you ready to call it quits on your sex life?
If you’re reading this, I’m guessing your answer is likely no.
And so, I want to encourage you to implement a mindset I use with the guys I coach.
These are men willing to move past their fear of rejection, past their fear of the unknown, and their fear of asking…
Can I give up my sex life to stay married to this woman?
This is a big question. And it’s one that many men ask themselves.
They’re wondering, When is enough, enough? Where do I draw the line in the sand?
And drawing that line is a way of saying, I’m done being a victim in a sexless relationship.
Instead, I’m going to give it my best shot to create the sex life I want with my wife. And if that means I have to put more skin in the game to implement better strategies, I’m in.
This man is willing to challenge himself, grow, and explore the many options in between staying in a sexless marriage or divorcing his wife.
Is your marriage worth giving your best shot for?
If you’re a yes, then you know that there’s more than just sex at stake.
There’s the bigger game of a fulfilling life with your wife. When you understand that, suddenly things are not as hopeless.
You’re committed to playing the bigger game to build a strong “us” in your marriage (and yes, that includes a sexual “us”), in which you and your wife can take on any stress in your life together – kids, work, home, sex, and more.
And suddenly sex is no longer another demand that your wife needs to take care of, but something she seeks out with you – for love, connection, and energy.
To be clear, this is not an ad for Spanish flies. It’s not a quick fix.
What I offer men is something more real. And it takes work, for sure. But it’s work with a payoff. And that is a you who is no longer trapped in a sexless marriage.
Are you ready to play the bigger game of trust, connection, and sex in your marriage?
If so, discover how to transform your sexless marriage in the video below.
When you play big in your marriage, you can:
- Get clear on if your desire for your wife is still authentically alive.
- Discover how staying falsely safe is killing your sex life.
- Learn how to play the long game sexually with your wife.
Do you want to transform your sex life and your marriage?
Previously Published on stuartmotola.com and is republished on Medium.
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