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If you find yourself currently in a long-distance relationship – or “situationship” – then I made this video for you, my loyal friend.
In it, I give you the 4 questions you should ask to figure out if it’s all worth it. Because let’s face it, long-distance relationships are HARD. WORK.
They require dedication, commitment, loyalty, and a real vision for the future. Do you ever find yourself worrying if yours has what it takes? Or wondering if the person you are giving all of this mental and emotional energy to from afar is actually serious and will pay off in the end, instead of wasting your precious time?
You can also check out this video to see my “baby” brother Harry say some deeply hurtful things to me. Enjoy.
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:00
are long-distance relationships a waste
00:03
of time i think one of the inherent
00:05
dangers that
00:06
isn’t talked about nearly enough in
00:07
long-distance relationships
00:09
is that it’s very easy to
00:13
say things that are romantic you know i
00:15
really like you you’re really special i
00:17
haven’t met anyone like you in a long
00:19
time or forever
00:20
you and i would be so great together
00:22
without paying the tax
00:24
for saying those things see when someone
00:26
lives next door
00:27
there’s like a there’s an actual
00:29
investment tax
00:31
someone can say you’re really special oh
00:33
my god you and i would be great together
00:35
but if they live next door you’d go
00:36
okay so why aren’t we together then you
00:39
know
00:39
someone would actually have to back that
00:41
up long distance
00:43
you can get away with saying all of
00:45
these romantic things
00:46
and at the same time going but oh no
00:50
you you live all the way over the other
00:52
side of the world i’m here
00:54
it’s like a romeo and juliet scenario
00:56
how are we going to make it work
00:58
is so difficult isn’t it but you’re so
00:59
special i really like you
01:01
you get to say all of these romantic
01:03
things with complete impunity because
01:05
someone couldn’t reasonably expect us to
01:08
do all of these difficult things to make
01:10
it work in the moment we can for a very
01:12
long time be in a long distance
01:14
relationship or situation ship or tunnel
01:17
vision
01:18
with a person to the exclusion of all of
01:20
our other options that are on our
01:21
doorstep
01:23
not knowing that it’s ultimately going
01:25
to be fruitless that when push
01:27
comes to shove this person isn’t going
01:28
to make any sacrifices to make it work
01:31
with us
01:32
that begs the question how do we read
01:34
someone’s intentions in a long distance
01:36
relationship
01:37
so that we have some idea of whether we
01:38
might be wasting our time or not here’s
01:40
a couple of simple questions you can ask
01:43
first what would be the next practical
01:46
logical action they would take
01:50
in this situation if they meant what
01:53
they
01:54
say or to put it a different way
01:57
if i felt the way they say they’re
02:00
feeling
02:01
what would i be doing what sacrifices
02:03
would i be making what actions would i
02:05
be taking
02:06
how would i be going out of my way to
02:08
make this work
02:09
and if the answer to that question is
02:12
drastically different from what they’re
02:14
doing right now
02:16
then you know that at the very least
02:19
you’re in a situation
02:21
where what the two of you are prepared
02:23
to do
02:24
varies massively now in this situation
02:28
someone is going to tell you
02:29
all of these reasons why they can’t take
02:32
certain actions why they can’t
02:33
fly to see you or clear space in their
02:36
schedule so that you can come to see
02:38
them or meet you halfway you may then
02:40
look at those excuses and say
02:42
they’re legitimate i can’t argue with
02:44
those they’re logical they make
02:46
sense it is difficult but here’s the way
02:48
you have to look at it there’s a
02:50
principle called occam’s razor of two
02:52
explanations
02:53
that take account of all of the facts
02:56
the simplest
02:57
explanation is likely to be the correct
03:00
one
03:00
so for example when someone gives you
03:02
all of their reasoning about
03:05
why they can’t invest why they can’t
03:07
take action on your relationship
03:09
why they can’t sacrifice you can
03:13
look at all of that and try and decipher
03:15
their excuses and understand
03:17
these complex arguments as to why
03:20
someone can’t do what you’re willing to
03:21
do
03:23
or you could look at the other
03:24
explanation they’re not willing
03:27
to do what i’m willing to do in this
03:29
situation to make it work
03:30
they are not committed enough to make
03:34
this relationship
03:35
work it’s a simpler explanation
03:38
and it’s therefore more likely to be the
03:40
correct one
03:41
so look i’m not saying you shouldn’t
03:42
invest in a long distance relationships
03:44
are all long-distance relationships a
03:46
waste of time of course they’re not
03:48
harry
03:48
how could they be yours and i
03:50
relationship is long distance isn’t it
03:52
would you say that that’s a waste of
03:53
time
03:56
no i guess i guess it’s not hesitation
03:59
was rude
04:01
you know why it’s not a waste of time
04:03
because at the end of the day if you
04:04
picked up the phone and said you needed
04:06
me
04:06
or i picked up the phone and said i
04:08
needed you either of us would be on the
04:10
next
04:11
damn plane yeah that’s true
04:15
we would both risk covid
04:19
you wouldn’t that we found as limitless
04:22
depends how much you needed
04:23
we found the line not all long distance
04:25
relationships are a waste of time
04:27
but if you are going to invest in a
04:29
long-distance relationship or dare i say
04:31
any relationship that is logistically
04:32
difficult
04:34
then be aware that something that
04:37
is inherently very difficult requires
04:41
grand measures to make it work
04:43
do you have someone who is willing to
04:45
take those grand measures
04:47
to make it work are you willing to take
04:50
those grand measures to make it work
04:52
that’s a different video isn’t it harry
04:54
are you really looking to do what it
04:55
takes to make it work or is this
04:57
relationship just filling a hole for you
04:58
right now because
04:59
you’re not happy deep down you know it’s
05:01
not right but you keep investing in it
05:03
anyway because
05:04
it seems better than nothing it’s a
05:05
distraction from your existential
05:07
melancholy that is
05:09
keeping you in a depressed state god
05:10
forbid you go there and explore that
05:12
no instead just you know keep this fire
05:14
burning with someone that you can
05:15
pretend is right for you as a
05:18
distraction from your misery
05:21
different i don’t video why you were
05:24
looking at me when you said all that
05:26
and of course is it equal that’s what it
05:29
always comes down to isn’t it at the
05:30
very least make sure that this person is
05:32
willing to make it work
05:34
in the same way that you are not just
05:36
through their flowery language
05:38
but through the the gravitas of their
05:42
actions
05:43
and by the way that doesn’t mean that
05:45
the sacrifices will always be equal i
05:47
think that that’s a bit of a
05:49
oversimplification it could be that one
05:51
person has this big
05:52
life that another person has to move to
05:55
come and be involved in because
05:57
the reverse just isn’t possible right it
06:00
might be that one person is making a
06:02
bigger sacrifice
06:03
but is that sacrifice welcomed is that
06:05
sacrifice something someone respects
06:07
do they then make space for the person
06:09
that moves in their life
06:11
when that happens sometimes the actions
06:13
aren’t the same
06:14
but you see that the intentions are the
06:17
same
06:18
through what both people give to the
06:20
relationship for the space
06:23
that they make for the relationship in
06:24
their lives make sure you’ve got one of
06:26
those
06:27
if you’re gonna do something as
06:28
difficult as a long distance
06:29
relationship because it’s bloody hard
06:31
harry
06:33
it’s bloody hard
06:35
[Music]
06:47
you
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