We have been told that love is a very significant and valuable thing. Many people invest a lot of time and energy into “finding the one” which, sorry to break it to you, does not exist, and then when they find the person they have decided is the one, they work hard to create the perfect relationship, which also doesn’t exist.
There is a lot of significance around relationships and romance. And even more significance around the phrase, “I love you.” What does saying, “I love you” mean for the relationship? When’s the right time to say it? When is it too soon? Waiting for how long is too long? Ugh. The expectations and judgments around those 3 little words can be endless.
The tricky thing about the phrase, “I love you” is that there are so many definitions of love and what it means, and your definition may not be the same as your partners.
Second of all, love is a conclusion. When you say, I love you, you are operating from the idea that you have completed everything. You think, “That’s enough. That’s all I have to do.”
If you would like a relationship that’s exciting, fun, playful and always getting better, here are 3 phrases that are more important than I love you.
1. I am grateful for you.
The thing that will kill a relationship faster than anything is judgment. The judgment of you. The judgment of your partner. The judgment of the relationship. When you are in judgment you are not experiencing gratitude because judgment and gratitude do not co-exist. You are either choosing one or the other.
When you choose gratitude, everything in your life gets greater. When you choose gratitude, judgment goes away. As with all things, cultivating gratitude in your life starts with gratitude for you. What about YOU are you grateful for? Be with that for a moment and from there, what gratitude can you express to your partner? If you took time every day to say thank you to yourself and to say thank you to your partner, how much joy would there be in your relationship?
Most of us are very good at the judgment and not so good at gratitude. A great way to rekindle a sense of gratitude, start a gratitude journal and every day write down at least one thing that you are grateful for about you and one thing you’re grateful for about your partner. As you build gratitude, gratitude will become one of the primary elements of your relationship.
2. Do what makes you happy.
Do you give your partner the freedom to do what makes them happy? No matter what that is? Often times in a relationship, we decide that partners should do everything together or that our partner should do what makes us happy. Whenever we stop choosing for ourselves, whenever we expect someone to give something up for us, the relationship suffers. One of the key ingredients of a successful relationship is that both parties are allowed to choose for themselves and do whatever they want.
Give it a try and see what occurs. Remind your partner that you support them doing whatever makes them happy. Give yourself the same permission. When you are not trying to control you or your partner, your relationship can grow.
3. I choose you.
A relationship begins because we choose it. We choose a particular person as our partner. We choose what we would like our relationship to be like. But, oftentimes, that active choosing goes away and we start to exist in the relationship. And, if we are not actively choosing our relationship, we are not creating it.
Want to change it? Choose daily and let your partner know. Tell them, “I choose you. How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?”
Daily choosing to be in your relationship stops the autopilot that often occurs in relationships and brings you back to the creativity, fun, and excitement that was there in the beginning.
The words “I love you” have become the words we think we need to hear to prove to us that our relationship is solid and strong. However, there are key elements of a relationship that are greater than “I love you,” that when communicated allow relationships to be greater than you can imagine. Express your gratitude. Give your partner space and freedom to choose. Remind them every day that you choose to have them in your life. Create this environment and enjoy the adventure.
This post is sponsored by McKell Media.
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