With good men being the talk of the town this month, we thought we’d take a cue from Kanye and have a toast to the douchebags—the guys who made us all look like heroes.
#1: Silvio Berlusconi
You know how it is when you’re the prime minister of Italy. The mass orgies, the offers to give prostitutes Parliament seats, the bunga bunga, the sound advice for Italian youth, and all the subtle art of international negotiating. And you’ve got to fit all that in between crucial state matters like banning lesbian commercials from your TV channel and ushering in the collapse of the Italian government. So give the guy a break. At least he’s not gay.
#2: LeBron James
#3: David Weaving
A lawsuit is a reasonable next step after a driver hits and kills a 14-year-old cyclist. In this baffling case, however, the driver, David Weaving, sued the boy’s parents for negligence (the victim wasn’t helmeted), noting the “great mental and emotional suffering” and inability to “carry on in life’s activities” he endured following his manslaughter conviction.
It’s hardly worth pointing out that the boy can no longer “carry on in life’s activities.”
Weaving, who has been convicted of drunk driving four times, was going 83 in a 45 mph zone at the time of the accident. As blog Above the Law puts it, “A 16-point buck would have been killed by a car going 83 miles per hour. No helmet was going to save this kid.”
#4: Andrew Shirvell
#5: Ben Roethlisberger
After Ben Roethlisberger spent much of 2009 with his face splashed across the front pages of TMZ and the National Enquirer, Steelers fans began longing for the day when their franchise quarterback would finally mature into the team leader they sorely needed. Their hopes were dashed when at a nightclub in Georgia, Roethlisberger followed a young coed into a bathroom, exposed himself, and forced himself on her. Charges were dropped due to lack of evidence, but NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell slapped him with a four-game suspension.
Stay classy, Ben.