WTF Does 'Attractive' Mean Anyway?

“Buy our product if you want to be more attractive!”

In our capitalistic society we are constantly bombarded with advertisements that brainwash us into thinking that we need to buy more and more products to become more attractive.

Buy this brand of beer to make women like you.
Buy this brand of lipstick to make men swoon.
Buy this fragrance to turn your sex appeal up to eleven.

It never ends.

Just what the hell does “attractive” mean anyway?

Would I be more attractive to women if I drink your brand’s beer or drive your brand’s car?

Why?

What evolutionarily adapted instinct am I triggering in the human brain if I flash your specific company’s logo?

There are so many messages that we all grew up with that confuse us when it comes to this whole “attraction” thing. It makes us forget the fundamental truth of what attraction really is:

Attractive = Healthy

To get the obvious out of the way, the greater your physical health, the greater your physical attractiveness. If you build a healthy body that can perform the best it can both in and out of the bedroom, you’ll be hot.

Doesn’t even matter if you’ve got a butt-ugly face or if you’re as short as a Christmas elf. If you make your body hot, more people are simply going to find you hotter than before.

There’s WAY more to health and attractiveness than just that, though.

If you’re at your peak physical attractiveness at your peak physical health, you’re also at your peak mental attractiveness at your peak mental health.

Sure, it may be true that birds of a feather flock together; immature women will oftentimes be more attracted to immature men. For example, people with out-of-control anxious attachment styles might be more attracted to people with avoidant attachment styles, and they might actually find people with secure attachment styles boring at times.

Those are dysfunctional forms of attraction, though.

This is why a lot of people feel a knee-jerk reaction to recommend therapy to a lot of dudes who seem to have problems with dating. Therapy won’t directly help you find a girlfriend, but it’s going to help you start becoming mentally healthier, and therefore more mentally attractive.

It’s kind of obvious if you think about it. If a brainrotted incel who feels a lot of bitterness toward women and a guy who’s actually at peace with himself were standing side by side, everything else being equal, which guy will be more attractive to women?

Don’t just hit the gym. Get your head on straight, too.

Better mental health also spills over into having better social health.

You’re at your peak social attractiveness if you’re also at your peak social health.

If you build a robust social circle with trusted friends, if you make yourself popular in a sincere way without all that fake social climbing bullsh*t, you will be more attractive than anyone who didn’t do that.

Can you say that you have friends who absolutely trust you 100%? And are they a mix of genders and various other backgrounds?

If not, you have yet to reach your potential. And you don’t even have to be an extrovert to get there.

If you’re naturally an introvert like I am, you might find this task particularly challenging. Becoming popular can seem easier for extroverts because practicing socialization feels invigorating for them rather than draining or annoying. Extroverts thrive on human connection and they constantly seek the sensation they get from communication. We introverts also need human connection, of course, but we can only handle so much of it before needing to recharge our batteries with some quality alone time. We could spend all day or even all week doing nothing at home in our pajamas and be perfectly content, while extroverts would feel cooped up and anxious if they did the same.

Extroverts invariably will have more social experience and more insight into popularity, but this doesn’t mean that introverts have no chance. Socializing can still be fun for us even if it can sometimes feel like exercise. We just have to keep exploring and practicing to find socialization patterns that are enjoyable to us even with our limited social energy. An extrovert might go out to new bars and clubs nearly every night of the week, and an introvert might go to the same one or two bars once a week, and that’s just fine. He can still become a popular introvert, as I and many others have done before.

So, don’t believe the lies your brain tries to tell you, like only certain types of people can become popular. The truth is, with enough practice, anyone can become likable and socially successful.

— Excerpt from Never Lonely: The Uncensored Guide on How to Attract and Be Loved by Women

Developing social health is all about leveraging your good mental health to make others feel good about themselves. And then you need to allow genuine connections to form.

It’s all a matter of practicing good social habits. Good thing those habits are learnable!

The “supernormal” might get in the way.

In psychology, there is a thing called the supernormal stimulus. It kind of sucks that it’s a thing.

Let’s say you feel a natural attraction to women with big boobs and big butts.

Let’s say you watch a ton of porn where all the actresses have unnatural boob and butt implants. You are drawn to these unnatural exaggerations of stimulating things, even more than you’re drawn to what is naturally possible, because of this supernormal stimulus effect.

Because of how “supernormal” attractive bodies are depicted in media, everyone’s standards of attractiveness has risen. Men’s bodies aren’t an exception, either; we have physique inflation.

However, this really only applies to physical attractiveness.

Mental and social attractiveness are, for the most part, immune to the supernormal stimulus effect. Invest in those factors and you can still come out on top.

Not only does this involve getting your head on straight and building a robust social life, but it also involves developing your charisma.

It’s especially helpful if you’re a man who likes women since women place less importance on physical appearance compared to men.

That’s good news since all of these things can be learned and developed.

Stay healthy, my friends.