You Are Enough — Even If He Doesn’t Want to Commit to You

I get it. It’s easier to say it in my title above than to live it in real life.

But hear me out.

Just like you, I’ve been there where a man I swore I would marry didn’t give his commitment. I had to beg for it — yet I still got nothing.

It sucked. It made me feel low and worthless.

“Is love supposed to be this hard?” I asked myself one day.

Because whatever and how much I did for the relationship, it didn’t seem to make him commit to me.

The real question when you’re in this situation isn’t “what else can I bring to the table?”

If you’re being honest, you’ve done your best. You’ve given enough — even if it doesn’t look like it.

Do you know who you are without him?

Asking the right question will bring you clarity. The wrong questions, on the other hand, will get you even more confused.

While a romantic relationship is one of the things that can make your life more meaningful, most people overestimate it. They think it’s the ONLY thing that matter.

Like the old saying, it’s never a good idea to revolve yourself around someone else. It takes away your connection to yourself — which is the most important thing to keep if you want to live a happy life.

When I was younger, I associated myself and my interests depending on who I dated at the time.

I was never myself in my past relationships because I made it all about that guy or this guy.

In short, I’d do anything for the guy to stay and eventually commit. Unfortunately, the more I tried, the more heartbreaks I’ve gotten.

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So, here’s my take on it: if you don’t know who you are without a man, you have a big homework to do.

What’s your value? What makes you happy aside from your love life? What are your passions and big dreams?

Set aside at least 15 mins a day to ask those questions and be honest with yourself.

One fucked up relationship doesn’t define your future love life.

“Here’s what is truly at the heart of wholeheartedness: Worthy now. Not if, not when, we’re worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.” — Brené Brown

Just because one man refused to put a ring on you doesn’t mean no one else would.

There are too many heartbreaking stories out there where people are giving up on love. They aren’t happy being single yet don’t want to give it a try again.

“No one deserves my heart ever again” — they told themselves once and decided to close the door forever.

Let me tell you a story about hopes.

One Sunday morning, I got a wedding invitation from an old friend. I couldn’t even tell you how happy I was for her.

When we reunited a year ago, she just left a 15 years relationship because the guy didn’t want to commit. He kept giving her empty promises and acted like they were in a casual relationship.

Leaving was hard because that man was her first love. But she also knew they were on a different page.

Fast forward a year later, she met a new guy who wanted the same thing. They got married last month in Bali, and she’s on the way to moving to Australia with her husband.

Her courage to leave is truly inspiring. Too many are stuck in a relationship where they know it’s not going anywhere.

Whenever fear holds you from getting what you want, let me remind you that you aren’t asking too much. You’re enough.

Finding yourself again after the dark days

You made it to the other side but got scared to start over again with someone new? I hear you.

It’s like playing a gamble. And you already know how it feels when you lose.

But guess what? It’s still better than not trying at all.

Putting yourself out there again after a major disappointment is hard. There’s no way you wouldn’t have anxiety about how the new relationship will be.

I’ve gone through enough heartbreaks. And in that time when it was happening, I promised myself I’d never give my all again to someone new.

However, some promises are meant to be broken. Otherwise, you wouldn’t know what’s on the other side.

So go outside or give that one dating App a chance. Sign out whenever you feel overwhelmed. Get back to yourself and reconnect.

Whatever happens in your journey, remind yourself that this new you no longer need to beg for someone’s commitment.

It’s something you’ve deserved all along.

“At each stage in our romantic journey we need to discover one simple truth: it’s okay to love ourselves. … It also means that when we’re heartbroken or ready to love again, it’s okay to spend time with ourselves.” — Meggan Watterson

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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