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She sat back. She was crying. Again.
For maybe the 12th time this week. And that’s just with me. Who knows how much she was putting herself through the rest of the time. Spiraling through the frustration and the pain and the anger. Knowing how truly and deeply unfair her situation is.
So I did the thing I always do. I went through the same laundry list of positives. The mindset shift that’s so necessary to take us from feeling like a helpless victim to an empowered person. And yet again I knew the temporary high of this conversation would fade. It would fade, maybe, by the next morning.
To which I’d just scream internally:
“Why can’t she fucking do this on her own?”
There’s a lot of people in life who nod and listen to someone’s advice. Turn around and within a week they’re back on their bullshit.
I had a friend not long ago who told me at the beginning of the year she wanted to be a better friend. She told her therapist about it. She started calling or texting a little more regularly. All of those little steps were falling into place.
Surprise! Haven’t heard from her in months. Months.
I’ve jokingly started to tell myself that I wish I had mind control because it’s slightly infuriating living in a world where people rarely ever follow through. Where I can only really rely on my own self because 99.98234% of the time I’m left disappointed.
There’s this notion that real friends never let you down. That you just have to find the right people. Or the right partner. Or the right mentor. All of these perfect people that are probably about as real as Pokemon characters.
Ugh, I miss Pokemon. Those bitches knew true loyalty.
Unfortunately, they are very much not real. And neither is mind control. Which means we’re just left with ourselves. The only jerk you can truly rely on. The only person you can control. I think I’ve started to accept that annoying reality.
Although, on the other hand, I’d love to mind control my way to more almond milk at Starbucks.
Come on, I know you would too.
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This post was previously published on www.medium.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
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Photo credit: Shutterstock