Ever ask someone what they want and get a blank stare back? Without context, limitations, or framing, our brains tend to freeze up. Are we talking about lunch? Career goals? Weekend plans? A bucket list item? It’s like trying to hit a moving target in the dark.
Then there are those rare unicorns who can answer without missing a beat. How do they do it? It’s usually a mix of having a sense of purpose, knowing what they like, and being tuned into their desires in the moment.
Let’s dissect this magical ability and throw in some tough love, shall we?
Purpose: Your North Star
First up, direction or purpose. This is what gives your life meaning — philosophy, spiritual practice, big goals, and bucket lists. It’s the stuff life coaches and career counselors harp on. And yeah, it’s important. We humans crave meaning and a sense of direction.
But here’s the kicker: when it comes to relationships, romance, or even just figuring out what you want for dinner, your grand purpose isn’t going to cut it. Knowing you want to change the world doesn’t help when your partner asks what you want in bed. Your life’s mission won’t guide you on whether you want sushi or tacos tonight.
Purpose helps you see the big picture, but it can distract you from the nitty-gritty of daily desires. It’s a piece of the puzzle, but not the whole picture.
What You Like: The Playlist of Your Soul
Likes are your tried-and-true pleasures. These are the things that consistently make you smile, feel supported, and light up your life. Your tastes might evolve (you probably don’t love the same things you did at seven), but patterns remain.
Likes matter because they guide you. They’re the backbone of who you are. Writing down your likes is like creating a menu of joy. It helps you remember all the ways you’ve been nurtured and satisfied over the years.
Your likes don’t tell you what you want today, but they give you a hint. They’re your personal playlist, always ready to set the mood.
Noticing What You Want: The Real-Time GPS
Wants are elusive and ever-changing. One moment you want a nap, the next you crave a brownie. You want world peace and a new phone. Wants are influenced by context — how tired you are, who’s around, your emotional state, what’s available, and so on.
Because wants are dynamic, knowing them isn’t about having a definitive answer. It’s about noticing them in the moment. This is a skill that can be honed.
Pay attention to your preferences and trust that your “like this, not that” contains meaningful information. Value your quirks and lean into your desires, even if you’re not sure where they’ll lead. Your yearning is important.
You may not have been encouraged to notice your wants before. Maybe no one supported you in listening to yourself this way. But you can start now. Wanting something doesn’t mean you must have it, but ignoring or suppressing your desires leads to dissatisfaction and confusion.
The Law of Attraction: Manifest with Intention
Let’s talk about the Law of Attraction. It’s the idea that you attract what you focus on. Positive thoughts bring positive results. Sounds simple, right? But here’s the twist: you need to be clear and intentional about what you want. Vague desires lead to vague results.
Think about it. If you’re asking the universe (or yourself) for something, be specific. Don’t just say, “I want to be happy.” What does happiness look like for you? Is it a stable job, a loving relationship, a new hobby? The clearer your intention, the better you can manifest it.
Set positive expectations. Believe you deserve what you want. Approach your desires with the mindset that they are already on their way to you. Doubt and negativity create blockages.
Asking for What You Want: Clarity is Key
Now, when it comes to asking for what you want, clarity is your best friend. Don’t be shy. Be straightforward and specific. This applies to everything — from career aspirations to relationship dynamics.
If you want a promotion, don’t just hint at it. Ask for it. Lay out your achievements and explain why you deserve it. I had a client recently who was afraid to ask for a promotion, however after discussing what his needs and wants were and getting very clear he decided to go to his boss and ask for what he wanted. Shortly thereafter he messaged me excitedly saying, “I asked for a 20% raise and my boy gave me 45% instead! I can’t believe it.
Just as if you want more affection from your partner, don’t expect them to read your mind. Communicate clearly and openly. Recently I was working with a woman who was so desperate for more intimacy in her marriage. She had been frustrated for years with her husband on his lack of interest in deep connection, romance or longer intimate moments. Finally decided to be direct with him and share what she was needing and wanting and to her surprise he thought she was the one who was not interested and so was believing that it was no longer part of their relationship. Once she found the courage to communicate and they shared openly on the matter they decided to recommit to each other on focused intimacy and now their marriage is magical.
The universe isn’t a mind reader, and neither are the people in your life. State your desires with confidence and clarity. You’re more likely to get what you want when you ask for it directly.
Wrapping It Up: Your Holy Trinity of Wants
So, let’s bring it all together. Knowing what you want is a blend of understanding your purpose, knowing your likes, and noticing your wants in the moment. It’s about setting clear intentions and asking for what you want with confidence.
Purpose gives you direction, likes are your guideposts, and noticing your wants keeps you grounded in the present. When you master all three, you become one of those enviable people who can actually answer, “What do you want?”
Remember, this is a skill. You can develop it. Start now, pay attention, and don’t settle for less than what you truly desire. You deserve to thrive, not just survive.
Now go out there and get what you want.
No excuses.
As always loving you from here,
Ready to stop second-guessing and start getting what you really want? It’s time to take control and manifest your desires with clarity and confidence. Join me for a free manifestation call, where we’ll dive deep into your goals, identify your true wants, and set you on the path to achieving them. Click the link to book your spot now! Don’t miss out on this opportunity to transform your life — spaces are limited, so act fast!
https://calendly.com/fckyeslife/free-manifestation-call
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Rene’ Schooler(Author)
