Your Divorce Doesn’t Define You

Divorce is often defined by society as a failure.

While there are celebrations for the wedding, a divorce usually occurs quietly and is often not spoken of among family and friends.

The very essence of a divorce lends itself, for especially the one not wanting the divorce, to feel shame, embarrassed and a failure.

Traditional society views marriage as a lifelong partnership and so persons who divorce are viewed as failing in the important aspect of contributing to social development of their community.

What if though the view of divorce was different?

What if a divorce was viewed as a success and the partner taught you important lessons and brought you to this place of growth that may not have happened if not for the divorce?

So many times, we let society script dictate how we view ourselves after a divorce.

What if a divorce helps you with exponential growth as a person, and achieving the purpose for which you have been placed on this earth?

If you have never considered such, I urge you to do so, as your divorce can define you, yes in a positive way….if you let it.

Unfortunately, in many cases a couple may not part amicably and the ensuing conflict with the divorce and settlement of estate, can leave either or both parties licking their wounds and picking up the pieces of their lives, as clients often refer to it.

It is therefore understandably that many persons after divorce can’t envision a life after and view themselves with only the negative perceptions as defined by their former spouse.

How then can you change and believe in yourself when you feel as if you have failed.

Pursue long lost goals that may have been forgotten — Many times clients talk about things they had wanted to do, but got caught up in the “we” to the point that the “I” was lost. Remembering and undertaking long lost goals, is a means to find a new sense of self.

Do a physical makeover — it may sound shallow, but it helps you to put a fresh perspective. Sometimes just a change of the colors worn can give a new outlook on how you view yourself.

Use positive affirmations daily– No one can change your mind as much as you can by the thoughts that circulate in it. Commit daily to begin the day with positive affirmations about you. It may be difficult in the beginning but do it anyway. Keep at it until it becomes a daily habit.

Tune in to your spiritual self — Whatever that may represent to you, doing so whether through meditation, prayer or just quiet reflective or however else you choose to do so, plays a significant role in calming and bringing you into a place of peaceful acceptance of yourself.

Change your perception on divorce — What if your divorce carried you to the place of success and growth that you needed to reach and may not have reached, if not for it. Viewing the positives from a divorce is at times difficult, but if you look closely enough there are many lessons learnt and changing your perspective can change how you perceive your own self.

Inlooking back at my own divorce, many of the goals I pursued I wouldn’t have done, had it not been for my divorce.

The person I have become was only possible because of the divorce and though at that point I couldn’t see it, my divorce exploded my personal growth and self-development years ahead that may not have happened that quickly.

In no way am I purporting to go get divorce.

If you are married, and view that life option as contributing to your happiness you should embrace marriage.

Yet, in cases where divorce occur or seem inevitable, it is wise to use the experience to learn, grow and expand your reach, because in defining your divorce let it not be an event that happened to you, but rather you grew from it.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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