Your reward system is something in-built. It’s something you do and probably don’t even think about it. Everyone has their own little hierarchy of rewards and some unwritten rules around how the reward system is applied.
No, I don’t mean a reward system for children (that’s a whole different discussion!) – this is a reward system for grown-ups, given to yourself in return for good behavior (although that classification is pretty loose, and you’ll see why.)
How does a reward system work?
Basically, it’s when you have taken care of a job or dealt with an event you didn’t really relish – you give yourself a Scooby snack (so to speak). The task could be as simple as doing the washing up, and the reward could be a cup of tea afterward.
Your reward system is linked to dopamine and a whole host of scientific brain research, but the upshot is that we all reward ourselves on a frequent basis for daily tasks, chores and exercises. Our nature is to line up our rewards long before we’ve earned them, and use that as an incentive (or motivation) to get whatever the task is – done.
So what’s the problem with a reward system?
Nothing. If you’re aware of it and have some level of control. However (yes there is a “but”), in today’s society of social media addiction, alcohol abuse, drugs, obesity and general self-destruction, our reward systems are skewed and we don’t even know it.
The insidious thing about a reward system is that if you’re not aware of it, it can enable addictive and potentially dangerous behavior. Your dopamine reward system is addictive in and of itself – but combining that with other addictions, like sugar, caffeine, nicotine (etc.) – this can lead to disaster. Watching from the outside, it’s like watching a train wreck happening in slow motion.
Think about it, every time you do a task at work that was a little daunting or unpleasant, you congratulate yourself for getting through it. Before you know it, your brain is tapping you on the shoulder and the devil in your ear whispers that you should reward yourself with a doughnut, or coffee, or a smoke. Worse, this can escalate. Remember the last really hard week at work you had, I mean a really tough one. The urge to go have “a blowout” was pretty damn strong wasn’t it? Bet you gave in didn’t you? Then regretted it for days afterward when you looked for what was left of your liver. You get the picture.
None of this behavior is a big deal in the short term. But stretch this behavior out over the course of years and you’re looking down the barrel of a heart attack.
Now I’m not judging here, I’m just as guilty as you are, of all of the above. The only difference now is that I’m aware of it. I know when I’m getting that little tap on the shoulder and I have a measure of control when I‘m making the choice to succumb or to find a better way.
How to control your reward system?
So, what’s the better way you ask. You need to flip your reward system on its head. You need to retrain yourself so that your automatic response to the reward-desire isn’t something self-destructive.
This will take some time and effort. You need to catch yourself red-handed and force a different reward. This will need to be done time and time again over the course of weeks and months, and yes you’ll fail from time to time, but that’s OK. Being aware that you’ve slipped is a part of the process – don’t beat yourself up (as that’s bad for you too!)
Over time you can change your habits. My reward system still involves a coffee-break and smoke on my vape, and even the occasional Dorito-binge. But again, I’m aware of it now so the occurrences are fewer than they were. I limit myself to a couple of coffees per day (instead of about 10x)
I’ve slowly trained myself so that my reward system involves a trip to the gym after a hard day (great because I get a free batch of endorphins with every visit), I get a green tea now instead of a coffee (not always, but enough that my coffee addiction and sugar intake is less than half of what it was). I also reward myself with some time writing here – which was never even a passion of mine until recently!
All-in-all it’s not perfect, but it’s a damn sight better than where I was. I’m healthier and more productive. The best part is that the rewards are still satisfying my dopamine-demand but I’m in a much better position overall. I might live a bit longer and I’m putting my energy into my passion without any downsides.
Think about it. Maybe make a small change here and there and see where it gets you.
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Previously published on Whatsyouroutcome.com and is republished on Medium.
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