Jack Ryan hopes by sharing his story other teens who are contemplating suicide to know they are not alone.
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Lately, a lot of depressing, suicidal topics have been popping up on my dash, so I figured to toss in my own two cents about this.
Back in late 2004 and early 2005, I was incredibly stressed out of my mind, filled with constant anxiety and worry. School was a work load for me, and socialization was even worse. I honestly didn’t have much help, but this mainly resided within myself, because I refused to tell anyone my issues. Therapy didn’t help, friends, family, nothing. I felt lost and broken. I was “bullied” I assume, but looking back on what happened made me realize that I was my own bully. I let their words belittle and impact me in such a way to drive me to my own demise. I molded myself to fit their words, becoming a puppet. I wasn’t my original “happy go lucky” self. I was so mad with myself, degrading myself. Some nights I’d stand alone in the kitchen, holding a knife right to my throat, wanting to end the 12-13 years of my life right there.. but then I remembered something.
In May 2005, my little brother was due to be born, and that’s when it hit me. If I were to had stab myself right then and there, what legacy would I leave behind for him? He’d only know me from pictures, never gaining the experience of having a loving brother. So until this very day (no matter how many times he annoys me), I love him to death. Why? Well there are many reasons why of course, but he was a blessing in disguise. His birth was a rebirth inside me, as I realized what I had to do. I had to turn my own life around for myself, to better me, not to fit some restricted and mocking version of myself others had put on me.
2006 was the best year of my life, not because of anyone else, but because of me. I allowed myself to acknowledge the good in my life, and to focus on that. I strengthened myself that way, overcoming my depression and suicidal thoughts on my own, which I must say I am very proud of. Now, I work part-time with helping others out of suicide, and that to me is such a wonderful thing to do. Of course, I’m not 100% okay, things gradually happen over short or extended periods of time, but they will happen, the majority of them good things. But I’m progressing surely and steadily. Life is not negative, nor is it meaningless. You craft your own destiny and your own impact on others, so let it be a positive one. Learn to love yourself, and to see the good in your life. I acknowledge that may be hard, but in the end, it’ll be worth it. Waking up with a smile every morning isn’t disgusting, its something everyone should experience. It’s absolutely beautiful.
Life does get better, but you have to be the one to make it better. No one is going to do it for you. They may help you along the way, but that’s it. It’s all on you. Every life is precious in one way or another, don’t you dare let anyone tell you otherwise. You mean something to someone, whether you’re friends with them now, just met someone, or have yet to meet anyone. At some point in your life, you’ll realize your worth, and what a great feeling that will be.
This is a small piece of my life I wished to share with you, so if you’d like to share it with others, I’d gladly appreciate if the word got out. Hopefully this will inspire some of you to help others or to make that change in your life.
Editor’s Note- Please check out the following resources for help if you are having suicidal thoughts:
National Suicide Prevention Hotline
Photo: GollyGForce/Flickr
Mr. Ryan, great message. Let’s hope you have a lot of readers.