How can we shame women for getting abortions when men aren’t participating in preventing unwanted pregnancies?
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Yesterday morning I watched TRAPPED, a compelling documentary about abortion clinics in Texas and Alabama and the struggle to keep their doors open despite an angry and politically powerful opposition. Today the Supreme Court struck down two important provisions in the Texas law, passed in the name of women’s health, but which major medical groups have said do not improve patient safety.
We all know that the issue of abortion remains highly contentious. For those who favor access to quality, safe procedures, an abortion is a personal choice that every woman should have the right to make. For those opposed, an abortion ranges from moral compromise to outright murder. With such a stark divide, laws that regulate, let alone resolve the issue are not easily achieved, and to the extent that these differences are culturally grounded, even less so.
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Both the ruling and the movie reminded me of the comments we received in the months leading up to our 2014 World Vasectomy Day celebration at the Planned Parenthood facility in Kissimmee, Florida. Protesters began posting comments such as “What won’t Planned Parenthood do to prevent life from coming into the world?” Or the call I received from a woman who believed that a vasectomy was even worse than an abortion. Her reasoning? An abortion takes out a single fetus, while a vasectomy destroys an army of potential human life. She said, “One is murder, the other is genocide”. With that logic, masturbating would be considered willful abandonment, leading to death and pretty much every man on this planet guilty as charged.
Despite some opposition to holding WVD at a Planned Parenthood facility, I was proud of the association. Providing excellent health care to women constitutes the vast majority of PPFA’s services and men would do their families well by being equally conscientious about taking care of themselves. As for abortion itself, all I can say is, while I wish I could claim to having been fully responsible for avoiding unintended pregnancies in my life, that would be a lie and while I believe men should have control over their fertility through to conception (i.e. wear a condom and/or get a vasectomy), I believe that post conception, it is women who must have the final say over their own bodies. Having men, let alone the state (which is still mostly run by men), determining what occurs inside a woman’s body, is as dangerous as it seems.
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When I first approached the executive director of the Greater Orlando PP facility to get permission to hold our event in their facility, I pointed out that getting a vasectomy was all about male choice. I thought it was a convincing argument to make to an organization that had made being pro choice a cornerstone of their work, so I was surprised when I was told that after completing a market research study, Planned Parenthood would no longer be utilizing the term, ‘choice’. Their reasoning was that newer generations of women prefer a more nuanced answer. Really?
While I always felt that in the rhetorical playing field of hardball politics, ‘life’ trumps ‘choice’, it was still a disappointing turn of events. Personally, I can think of no more accurate or appropriate word than choice when it comes to vasectomy. Indeed, with no compelling medical reason for getting one, a vasectomy is all about choice. Regardless, the facility granted us permission to host the event and we were honored to be there.
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Early on, I was warned there would be a forceful and dynamic group of protesters complete with disturbing signs and bullhorns on the day of our event. They were already there on a daily basis and a buzz about our event was circulating. With an event to promote, I was looking forward to their presence.
The men who had volunteered to participate in WVD would be arriving with their wives and in some instances with children. Branded as ‘heroes’, and supported by their families, they would never tolerate the sort of public humiliation that the anti abortion movement cruelly imposes on prospective abortion patients. Seeing the Planned Parenthood facility filled with men who had come with partners to make a family planning choice that meant they would never need to consider an abortion in the future, all while being shouted at by anti abortion protesters, was too precious for words.
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Perhaps astute to the absurdity of it all, no protesters arrived that day, which, although a bit disappointing, was a valuable reminder that bullies disappear when confronted by equal or greater force. It’s one thing to yell at women on what is likely to be one of the most vulnerable days of their lives, and another to yell at men who come to get a vasectomy as part of a public display of love and compassion.
Certainly, we were ready to make the case that any person who was against abortion, would logically be a strong protector and supporter for vasectomies. Indeed, putting aside the more extreme views, and less compelling arguments (i.e. vasectomy as genocide), there’s no more effective way for a man to make sure there’s no abortion needed than by having a vasectomy. Personally, I can’t stand watching men make women feel bad about abortion when we do such a mediocre job of taking care of the prevention part of the equation. My advice is, protest men who unintentionally get women pregnant or maybe just educate them. I would consider joining such a movement. Actually, in my case I would have benefitted from such a movement. Growing up, I needed it.
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The fact is, if the right to get a vasectomy were taken away, men would be justifiably outraged. And just as society is a healthier place when affordable vasectomies are readily available to all, we do well to support a woman’s right to choose. When we protect their rights, we are also protecting our own.
In that spirit, I would like to see men of conscience defending women as they enter reproductive health clinics throughout the country, even men who don’t necessarily agree with that choice. Now that would be a just and honorable deed. And when the time is right, if they haven’t done so already, I hope these men will consider getting a vasectomy. It’s a powerful choice we can make to positively impact the lives of our children, ourselves, and the women who share their lives with us.
Photo: Getty Images
Hi, please read the following guidelines from the British Association of Urology surgeons before committing to a vasectomy and fully understand the potential chronic pain risks stated :
https://www.baus.org.uk/_userfiles/pages/files/Patients/Leaflets/Vasectomy.pdf
From that source : “Troublesome chronic testicular pain is reported in up to 15% of
patients and can be severe enough to affect day-to-day activities in
up to 5%”
15% = 1 in 7
5% = 1 in 20
I am a woman and I would appreciate if “Good Men” would see through the nonsense rhetoric to know that a baby — possibly THEIR baby — is not just a superfluous extension of a “woman’s body” like an appendix or tonsils. It seems to me that “Good Men” stand up for the voiceless and defenseless, which an unborn baby certainly is, helpless at the mercy of somebody’s “choice.” Having said that, I don’t agree with the argument that vasectomy is genocide, but I think the best argument against it is that it is totally unnecessary (not to mention unethical)… Read more »
I’m not quite sold on presenting vasectomies as just another method of male birth control. A condom is relevant to anyone who wants to avoid an unplanned pregnancy. A typically irreversible procedure is not much of an option for someone who “wants children, just not right now”. More of a preclusion than a prevention.
Abortion (at any stage) by its very nature cannot have a male counterpart, so framing vasectomy/abortion as a male/female inequality issue seems like a bit of a leap to me. I’ll be staying with the “violating the sovereignty of another’s body is unconscionable and grotesque” camp.
its not about “the right to get a vasectomy”, its about the right to reproductive choice, and that is what’s confusing the discussion. Vasectomy is per-emptive, just as other forms of birth control, including those for women. Abortion and adoption are options after the fact, where men have none. In anyone of 46 states a woman can walk into an appropriate facility and give her child up for adoption. Men cannot. That, in an of itself, would not be bad, but when we indenture men, take away their choice based upon the choice of a woman, even if that man… Read more »