Life is a journey, not a destination.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
Really, life is about the journey, about our individual evolution. After all, our journeys shall all end the same. Just saying.
O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” That’s the profound journey, not about the outcome, not about the destination. I continually overcome myself, get out of my own way. Whether we train in Aikido, in the martial arts or not, that’s something we all can do. Just saying.
We all come into this world wanting to leave it a better place when our journey is complete, when we’re gone. That’s my personal wish. That wasn’t something that I was thrown to do nor born into. I endured my abusive childhood. Dad scared the hell out of me. I was never good enough for Dad. My voice inside said, “Jon, you’ll never be good enough.” Consequently, I would never be enough for anyone else; never be good enough for me, either.
Working with my therapist Lance, I got that voice inside me was my Dad’s. His voice had become mine. Dad inherited that voice from his Dad. The legacy of abusive parents. Hoping to end that legacy, I chose not to have children for fear of what I might become. Of the things that I regret most in life, that would be killing off the possibility of fatherhood.
As a young boy, Dad was always so angry with me. Ironically, Dad and I were so much alike. We were both terrified. I was scared as hell, because I never knew what I did or didn’t do that made him so angry. Dad was scared as hell, too. He had no idea how to raise me. No, I don’t forgive Dad for his cruelty and unkindness upon my Mom, my Sister, and me. I forgave Dad for being human, for being afraid, for not knowing how to be a Father. I forgave myself for not be strong enough to stand up to him. I was 8 years old. A little boy, who did the best that I could at the time.
Throughout my own trials and tribulations, I had my late Mom and the late Mizukami Sensei by my side. When I feared inside, Mom said, “Slow down, Jonny.” Being 8 years old, that often angered me. As I grew older and wised up, I got that Mom always had my back. She reminded me to calm my soul, that things have a way of working out. Mom taught me that kindness and gentleness define a man. Amen.
The late Mizukami Sensei taught me Aikido for 25 years. I’m Godan (5th degree black belt), because of him. Sensei became the Father I needed to become a good man. He said, “Make it work.” Really, Sensei was saying make myself work, make my life work. What mattered to Sensei was who I was outside the Dojo, out in the world. A good human being.
Training with Mizukami Sensei was the first time in my life that I had the space to be myself. I was free to succeed, free to fail. I invented the greater-than versions of myself. Sensei dedicated his life in the service of others, helping them become better people, greater human beings. I honor Sensei’s legacy in helping others become the best that they can be, whether in the Dojo or outside it.
Along the journey, I’ve learned to love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. Life isn’t about what was. Life is about what’s next. Life is about the journey: Love and forgive thine own self.
On the journey, I give away all I’ve gotten of value from a lifetime. I give that away teaching and training in Aikido, in mentoring Systems Engineers at work, or in writing about loving and forgiving oneself with my Editor Lisa Blacker on The Good Men Project.
My journey shall eventually end. All of ours shall. Although, it was never about the destination. The journey is about living a meaningful life. Living a life that I’m proud of. That defines my journey. I hope that I can make a difference for others in some way. That the world is left in a little better space, because I was here. That’s my hope. Just saying.
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