I guess it’s time to sit down and write this letter I’ve been putting off all week for other more fun things to do. As much as I love the idea of writing this letter, I know it will bring up all the stuff I still struggle with when it comes to loving you. I will want to write about the struggles I have with loving you instead of what I actually love about you. I have purposefully not read anyone else’s letters yet as I don’t want to copy or be influenced by what others write. While I think it could be positive to read those things. I think it would make me be lazy and not do the real work of writing this to you.
I love how despite everything you have been through, there is still an innocent spark that gets surprised. That you are still always hopeful and looking for what is beautiful in the world. With everything that has happened, and despite being in some really dark places, you have refused to let yourself stay there and just be hateful. You have refused to let them all win and beat you.
I know the last few days have been a bit difficult. The anniversary of your mother passing. I know how you tried to go out on Saturday and meet up with a friend. You tried to be positive but it still hurt you and you were still sad. It’s okay to be sad. And it’s okay to try to be positive and still be sad. I almost wrote fail but I want to be mindful of my language to you. I am already so harsh on you. Self-love comes in many different forms. I love seeing how you are moving towards that. Every small step taken.
I love how you are trying new things and not staying stuck in the same old pattern. That you are living and not existing. I love how every day you are feeling more and more able and that wherever you are at in this exact moment is okay. You are not fearing the future or being beholden to it. I love how you are actually excited about life. About what you can do and doing those things. So many other times you’ve just escaped from everything and I understand why and I understand your pain and I’m so happy you are finally not just escaping from everything. I’m happy you are happy. I’m happy you are working towards things that you enjoy and love.
You don’t need to do everything this moment. You can slow down and try some things. It’s about the journey not the destination. I love you even if you do try things and they aren’t for you. It’s okay to not like something. It’s okay to try and explore things. You’ve been told your whole life you only have one chance don’t fuck it up but this fear has made you so afraid to try something and just be.
I’m proud of you always going forward. Always trying to not let the past dictate everything even though it does influence things. I think you are beautiful. You just need to remember to smile from the inside.
Photo Credit: Getty Images