The concept of going with the flow was a nice dream, something to aspire to, something that only slackers and unmotivated people allowed for. That was what I thought until fairly recently. For as long as I could remember, I was a get it done, high achieving, Type A+ workaholic. I came by that last one genetically, since my father would have fallen into that category too.
As someone with undiagnosed ADHD, he couldn’t sit still. The Yiddish word for that is shpilkes—ants in your pants. He was either working long hours, or jogging, tending the garden, cleaning the garage which essentially meant moving the junk from one side to the other, rarely tossing anything out since he ‘might need it some day,’ playing with my sister and me (bicycling, jumping rope, taking us sledding, ice skating, and kite flying) or dancing in the kitchen with my mother.
As it turns out, according to medical research, that is a good thing. Who knew? Apparently, a bunch of doctors and scientists who encourage people to move as a way of avoiding an early death. My dad did live to the ripe old age of 84 and his docs told him that his fitness regimen allowed for greater longevity.
Even after a heart attack in 2014, I kept on keeping on, wanting to get back to my ‘normal routine’. Although my mind thought it was a great idea, my body had other plans. The glacial pace at which I needed to move initially, was frustrating, as I took one. step. at. a. time on my first outing to Costco, as I held onto the shopping cart for support. My dear friend Ondreah was by my side, my own private duty nurse who had long reminded me to slow my roll, lest I run out of steam. Even now, coming up on five years after her death from cancer, I still dedicate some of my Zen-ergy to her.
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When I go to the gym, I take what I call accountability photos. I am also part of an online support group for people who work out at Planet Fitness. Today, I posted a picture with the description: Putting my heart and soul into my workouts.” The first person to comment cheered me on by telling me to keep pushing hard to reach my goals. My response was this, “Thank you for the encouragement. The bigger challenge is not to push. 🙂 I am a workaholic, overachiever. Before I had a heart attack in 2014 (literally on my way home from PF), I had been working out 5-7 days a week. In cardiac rehab, the therapists kept reminding me to slow down, since I believed that if I wasn’t pushing and sweating, I wasn’t working out hard enough. I saw a bumper sticker back then that said, “It’s not sweat, it’s liquid awesome.”
Today, I walked a few miles around Doylestown, PA during our annual arts festival. I was there to peruse the booths, but mostly to do my FREE HUGS thing. I have noticed that hugging people helps me recharge my energy and gives me a break from walking. That was followed by an hour long workout at the gym. When I got home, I napped a bit. I used to say that sleep was highly over rated. Now, I know that it is a necessary part of my health care.
Another go with the flow experience, as I am being called on to practice patience.
I bought a refrigerator, which two weeks later still has not been installed. The first reason is that when my kitchen was renovated 11 years ago, the contractor built cabinets around the existing fridge, which meant it couldn’t be moved. I then hired a contractor to remove the cabinets and they are now sitting in my dining room, along with the contents of said cabinets. I called the delivery service and two gentlemen came in today to install the refrigerator. It is still sitting in my garage because there is no water shut off valve behind the refrigerator; it is in my laundry room. They said they couldn’t install the new one, since they were only permitted to turn off the water from behind the refrigerator and indicated that if I personally turned the water off and they installed it with the copper piping that was connected to that shut off valve and the fridge, it could leak. Next step, I called my plumber who will be out on Wednesday to install the shut off valve and then I will need to call the delivery service to take my current fridge and then hook up the new one. Eventually, I will have my shiny new stainless steel appliance in my kitchen which will, in short order, be covered with my grandchildren’s art work and the rest of my house will be tidy again.
This recovering woman is learning to surrender what I can’t change, which could include people, the weather, traffic or the price of gasoline. I can change the inner workings of my mind, which, up until now was like a hamster on a wheel who was running and getting nowhere fast. At this point in my life, I would rather be now here.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: Author
