You dim the lights, you know it’s coming. Your heart chokes up, it may be frowned upon but you love it and you crave it. You seek it so bad that you are willing to shut off the whole world for a minute or two just to get a small taste of it.
The moment comes, you rock your head along to that familiar song … Oh it feels so good — Here comes the drop, wait for the chorus, oh that crescendo! You are now strangely soothing You. Enshrined in a moment of feeling sad.
You really don’t know if it is nostalgia or something else entirely. It is a melange of emotions that, even as an adult, you cannot decipher for the love of you. You don’t hear anyone complaining — why should you? After all, you are completely alone in your thoughts, In a space with dimmed lights, bathing in familiar music your younger-self still loves.
It is okay, this moment arrives exactly to your wish and by your own design — down to the very last spec: The drink in your hand, the clearest of skies, and the thoughts in your head. All are reminding you, that there is a child in you, a teen within you, an artist around you. You start to believe again that these are the very personas that actually keep you alive and these are the very moments that keep you sane.
And so you reminisce, about the girl that got away, the parents you miss, the summer you yearn for. There is no shortage of memories to conjure up — your library is there for you. Take your time, something will come up; and when it does, you are healed.
In that moment of solitude, your own company starts to feel strangely familiar. A deja vu surfaces, it feels divine by design; resembling a mechanism that has been instilled in you by nature: It is there to remind you that you are alive; you are finally pleased with yourself, in a moment of non-judgment, you feel liberated.
It is not some story you are telling yourself, it is not a bad habit that you must break. It is an act called “feeling sad”, especially for yourself. It is a small pleasure, that grounds you once more, into feeling human.
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Previously published on Medium.com.
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Photo credit: By Yvette de Wit on Unsplash