Think people can’t change? Look in the mirror before you answer.
People don’t change.
I’ve been hearing the above statement from others way too often, and I’ll admit, I used to agree with it.
For example, if a friend of mine’s boyfriend cheated on her, I would console her by saying some of the most common and supportive phrases, such as “once a cheater, always a cheater,” and “you deserve better, he will never change.”
However, now, after growing up a lot and even dealing with my own experiences of heartbreak and loss, I no longer agree with it. Instead, I believe that people can change, but only if they want to change for themselves.
I have seen change firsthand in myself. Throughout my childhood, I was incredibly shy, self-conscious and unsure of myself. I suffered from extreme anxiety during preschool and part of middle school, to the point where I would start screaming crying every time my mother would drop me off at school.
I also refused to speak in school for the first couple of years. I entered high school with a little more confidence, but still was unsure of myself, shy and body-image-obsessed. I would refuse to eat lunch at school or even eat in front of my then-boyfriend, whom I spent most of my time with, even though I was already borderline underweight.
I cared way too much about what other people thought of me and I made it my mission to get everyone to like and approve of me.
I couldn’t be anymore different today; it didn’t happen overnight, though. I still remember to this day the exact moment when I decided I wanted to change for myself.
I was pacing around my tiny freshmen dorm room, overthinking absolutely everything that happened that day, as per usual, when I suddenly thought in my head, “Enough is enough.”
I didn’t want to live my life the way I was living it, and I didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling. I had enough and I was determined to change. I picked up my iPhone and Google searched for a counseling center in Boston. I called the first number I could find.
The minute I heard someone pick up, I immediately hung up. I waited another five minutes, gathered up some more courage and called again. This time, I stayed on the line. I talked to the therapist for a while, and then set up an appointment.
I have been in therapy ever since and every session changes and affects me in one way or another.
Each session teaches me how to live life in a better, more fulfilling way. Ever since my first summer in therapy, I began on my journey of self-love and happiness. I am not the person I was in preschool, middle school or high school.
I have changed dramatically and I know that my driving force of change was pain.
Pain of leaving my life behind when I was 5 years old and moving across the world. Pain of not feeling comfortable in my own skin. Pain of being bullied. Pain of self-hatred and anxiety. Pain of insecurity. Pain of unhappiness. Pain of feeling lost.
Pain changes people.
You might be saying that I changed simply because I grew up and experienced life more. However, it isn’t that simple. I actively sought out help in order to fix the negative perception I held about myself.
I wanted to be different and to think differently. If I didn’t actively seek out help, I wouldn’t have learned how to do so.
So, if you happen to be one of those people who thinks people can’t change, stop for a second and think about how much you as a person have changed. Think about how certain friends have changed. Change is enviable; people can change for the worse, but they can also change for the better.
Originally published at Elite Daily by Alivia Hall.
Photo: Elvert Barnes/Flickr