Much of my perception of what’s negative is very different from many I encounter.
So many these days seem to eschew feeling the emotions they perceive as negative. They champion focusing on positive emotions above all else. From my perspective that often means denying real and valid emotions that need to be felt and listened to, in a very conscious and deliberate way.
For me that is the key; being very conscious of what we feel and how we feel it. Being falsely positive may work for a while, but those unfelt emotions will come back and bite us in the butt at some point. They always do.
If you’re feeling grief, feel it. If you’re feeling anger, feel it. If you’re feeling frustrated, feel it. If you’re feeling fear, feel it. If you’re feeling rage, feel that too. Feel as if it were a privilege to be able to feel a range of emotions; because it is. By the way, allowing your feelings is not the same as acting on or from, those emotional states.
From my experience when we simply acknowledge and affirm our feelings – just as they are, without trying to change them, they shift of their own accord anyway. It is only when we try to push them away or deny they exist, that they then build up and spill emotional lava everywhere.
This applies even more so to our fear blocks (those deeply embedded limiting stories that sabotage our best efforts.) With our fear blocks it doesn’t matter how many positive affirmations we offer, how much we try to look on the bright side, or how much we try to push them down, they will be impacting our thoughts, words and deeds anyway.
Our fear blocks contain valuable lessons, deep wisdom and have a powerful effect on our behaviours. Which is why actively exploring them is often a revelation. I see it over and over again with those who have balance or success in various areas of their lives but have key areas where they keep recreating the same old scenarios again and again. This is usually because they are unwilling to look at some deeply embedded unhelpful story.
Because of this fear of focusing on the negative, or of feeling deep pain, many try to avoid these deep hurts or difficult emotions. Yet I find that when these wounds are explored with love and conscious awareness, then the pain is transient and the realisations, huge. The wisdom or insights gleaned by going right to the heart of our fear blocks cannot be overestimated either.
So I say let’s re-frame this whole negative perception of negative emotions. Let’s not try to force ourselves into Pollyanna-ish good humour if that’s not where we really are. Let’s not jump right to the upbeat emotions, if we haven’t allowed ourselves to feel the downbeat first. Let’s be real about where we are and what we’re feeling and perhaps what emotion we’re avoiding.
We’ll no longer have to revisit the same themes again and again. We can instead, create deep shifts. The kind of emotional shifts that change our outer experiences in the long term. In so doing we’re also giving ourselves permission to be just who we are and just how we are, which leads naturally, to a more balanced emotional expression over time.
This article was previously published on LinkedIn and is reprinted here with the author’s permission.
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Yve Bowen is a passionate writer and copywriter. As a copywriter she provides engaging content and marketing copy for stressed out Sole Traders and Entrepreneurs. Find Yve at https://keeper.marketing.
