I know these things because I live in a ski town and in this town of 2,500 people kill themselves every winter. Last year, I remember two that killed themselves. This winter, at least three. That is still less than a 1% mortality rate. But, if you search online “ski town suicide” you will find a constant question: Why are ski towns seeing more suicides?
National Geographic called it the Paradise Paradox. Surrounded by beauty, peace, and nature people feel trapped by culture, geography, social situations, and financial situations. Three of these four things are man-made, so how much are we to blame as a society?
Whenever someone takes their own life, someone that I know, my first response is to think could I have done something to prevent this? Did I miss something? Luckily, I have not known too many people who have committed suicide, but I have known enough to realize there is a pattern. In each instance, my response to these questions is no.
The things that fail people in ski towns will eventually fail people everywhere.
Culture
A growing feeling of separation from others, and an inability to relate, understand, and connect with other cultures and people. Despite our interconnectedness as a world, we are more and more intolerant and isolated from others.
Social
The death of the community. We can entertain ourselves through live streaming services for music, television, and movies. We no longer go to church. After a long day of work we hate going anywhere that we need to interact with other people, especially people we just saw. We hate the grocery store. We hate the gas station. All of these things are inconveniences in a world of conveniences.
Financial Situation
The ski bum is working three jobs to make ends meet and living in the shadow of a million dollar mansion belonging to a second homeowner. This trend is not just in ski towns. We believed in the American Dream and discovered that after the baby boomers, who experienced a lifetime of constant, increased prosperity, we exist in an overeducated (saturated) market with limited supply and pay. At the very least, we want what our parents want.
By my age, my parents were married with two kids and a house. I don’t have any of those things. Now, I am not one to point blame, or ask for help, but since the downturn of 2008 we live in a world filled with businesses that watch the bottom line closer than ever before. Gone are lifetime careers with the same company. Gone are golden watches at retirement, or sometimes even employer-funded retirement accounts all together. Healthcare, that’s gone too.
The game has gotten tougher for businesses, and that downward pressure has pushed against individuals, the minority.
How Do We Overcome Diversity?
One of the victims this year was a girl, younger than 25, that took her own life. I looked at her Facebook page. All of her photos were of her smiling, out partying, joy and happiness, not death. What went wrong that we failed those around us, our community and friends, that they felt the need to take their own lives?
I want to know what each of these three people was thinking on their last nights, not out of morbid curiosity, but because I don’t understand how someone can make that decision. I’ve been depressed. I’ve had days so bad that I haven’t wanted to get out of bed. I still get those days once in a while. I can feel it, and I find healthy ways to deal with the sadness. I don’t think sadness ever goes away. The Germans call it weltschmerz, or world pain in English.
Earlier this year, during a period of depression, I wrote the following. For a while I read it daily. I needed to. I’m sharing this with you now, in case you need the support.
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I know you feel alone and in a battle against seemingly insurmountable forces. I see the struggle in your eyes, and the way your shoulder’s slump. I know you want to hide in a hole every day and escape from the world because it keeps kicking you.
Just when you’ve dug yourself out of that deep, dark hole and felt sunshine on your face, you fall back in. But, this hole is deeper than the last one. You’re already exhausted. Nothing is going right. You are not making any progress. You feel unworthy of love and gratitude. You don’t know how to find happiness, or even if you ever can again. Even though you look for that upside every chance you can the bad weighing down on you brings you back in to that dark embrace. I don’t think it’s any secret that you’re struggling.
So, are you alright? Of course you’re not. But since no one else is asking I had to. Know that even if no one else cares, I’m here for you. Together, you and I are going to be just fine. This road will suck. The hurt will get worse before it gets better. But, remember, you haven’t failed. You’re just struggling.
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This isn’t the end, just an in-between point to something greater and yet unknown.
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This isn’t the end, just an in-between point to something greater and yet unknown. I know it’s tough right now to remember the good things in life and have faith, so don’t. Let yourself cry if you need to. Tell people to fuck off if you have to. Give in to sadness and experience it. Rage against the world and everyone in it, if you must. Learn what it means to be down and out.
Kindness comes from feeling like the lowest human in the world. When you come out the other side of this you are going to be an incredible person, an unbelievable person, and the world will be yours for the taking.
Never lose hope. Always hold on to that single strand of light and goodness and know that no matter how bad things are they will always come back around if you believe in that hope. So cling to it, and even on your worst days take a few seconds to remind yourself of this hope. Think of it for as long as you can. Then do the same tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after.
This pain isn’t going to go away right now. It will linger for a while. Don’t despair, though. Don’t lose respect for yourself. You are a good person despite that feeling of nothingness. I just thought I, you, needed to remind yourself of that since no one else is right now. You’re amazing. You will find happiness. Continue living.
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Photo by Alex Radelich on Unsplash
