I am grateful of finally landing a full time job. This is not my dream job but a J-O-B.
Wait… Let me take a step back and talk to you about the drama I have been going through. The past 10 years, my employment has been contract work. One project ends then you find a new one. Unfortunately for me, the contract world has been drying up. In the past you could hop from contract to contract. March rolled around, project ended and nothing.
In between projects, my UBER GOAL has been to build my own business. My thought process was to put out content and clients would be FLOCKING to me. WRONG!
Month after month I would fall deeper and deeper into my depression. Ironically my depression was at it’s lowest in September. This is ironic because September is suicide prevention month. How was I going to get through another month of job rejections?
What I to try do to help fight off the depression was finding my WHY. The WHY is what some depressed people tend to forget about. For me, my family is my WHY. They are the reason I am still here.
OK, not to get all sad, but trying to live each and every day is what life is all about. Having a WHY will help you make it. Trust me on that.
My wife and I try to be good adults with our communication. Last night we had our weekly budget meetings. A side note is I have been working a part time job but the weekly hours are way less then 40. The stress of these financial meetings has been very intense. To be honest, I am shocked and grateful at the same time that my wife is still with me. The question here is more of “how are we making it?” Not easy, but with a full time job it has to be better. Right?
There have been many days of panic of trying to figure out how I was going to have enough money to put into my gas tank to pick up my son. Then the feeling of hurt of as a man and as dad trying to provide for your family. I know the fact is I needed to be looking for another part time job to help. I know that was the right thing to do but, as I stated before, my tiny brain thought my writing or weekly podcast would generate additional income.
I know the added tension my hopes of being a business owner has done to my wife. Having to say to my son or daughter that we have to wait until we get home for food. As a man I hate to ask for help. One day, I will get over it, one day.
My hope for you is to see that struggles are what makes us human. Even at our lowest of the lows is to persevere through those difficult times. Yes, find your WHY as well.
I have three daily habits to help me keep my head above water.
Each morning write down three reasons why I am grateful.
I have an hour and half drive to work. I am listening to at the time of this writing Darren Hardy’s’ audio course “ Living Your Best Year Ever.” Listening to positive messages has helped me and learning how I can achieve greater things has really inspired me.
Before I leave every morning I leave a note for my wife.
My thoughts for most of my life have been negative, and the best way to really describe the WHY is simply that I have imposter syndrome. These thoughts have created an “I’m not worthy” feeling. If I get asked a common question such as “how did you end up in Colorado?” my first inclination is to really think how to answer this question because I have to reveal my previous life career. I want to learn more about you than bore you with me.
There have been days of feeling hopeless and a major looser. Trying to navigate through life thinking my life has been one epic failure after another has not been fun.
In my home office on the white board is “WAITING VS CREATING.” What this represents is the fact I sit around and wait for things to happen instead of creating. Does that make sense? I still struggle by playing the waiting game, but I won’t survive or make it unless I make myself do something such as creating content.
What has really helped me this past year, and I can not believe my fingers are typing this, is having faith. I spent 4 years in Catholic High School. During those years, my faith was non existent. My spiritual “awaking” just hit me. OK, you could say because of what I have been going through and figuring out how I was going to make it, but I firmly believe if I had not gone through my trials and tribulations then my faith would still be dormant.
You will need to excuse me. I have to go and pick up my son to get him to his hockey practice. Sitting here at my desk at the new job does have a big bonus and I do not mean money. The bonus is that I am closer geographically to my son. This will save on gas. This is one way I am going to make it, by getting spend time with “the boy” as he is know by his bonus sister. How are you going to make it?
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