I Finally Left My Toxic Job

When a workplace becomes toxic, its poison spreads beyond its walls and into the lives of its workers and their families.

-Gary Chapman

This past December, after excruciatingly long months of contemplating and feelings of unrest, I left my toxic job. It’s the only time I’ve left a position without an immediate backup plan, but I realized I couldn’t keep working the way I was. My job was stunting my personal growth, interfering with my family time, and causing a neverending stream of stress.

I had so many worries about how I was going to pay bills, what the people in my life would think, and whether or not I was making the right choice. After a few months and a whole list of positives, I realized how important it was to finally make the leap. It freed me to live life on my own terms again.

Running to Get Rid of the Crazy: How Working Out Increases Your Productivity | Data Driven Investor

There is no better way to start the workday than with a workout. I try to do so at least four days a week, before…

How to spot a toxic job?

Most people have things they don’t like about their job, but that doesn’t make the job toxic. Signs of a toxic workplace include:

Feeling as though you are never done working: Even on your days off and during time away from work, your boss expects you to be available.
Work interferes with family: For me, the time I did get with the people I care about wasn’t quality. I found myself zoning out or incapable of focusing on the moment at hand, because of thinking about projects at work.
Constant stress: You stress before you start working, your stress during work, and your stress after work. There were times I couldn’t even sleep without stressing about work.
No boundaries: Even when you set clear expectations for work-life balance, your employer regularly crossed those boundaries. Your time with family is regularly interrupted for work, your days off are riddled with requests, your employer disregards any need for personal time.

What stopped me from doing it earlier?

Hindsight contains clarity we can’t always access at the moment. Our fears, whether grounded in reality or not, take over and convince us we need this job. The excuses we create seem genuine but they are usually benign.

We won’t be able to support ourselves and our families.

Changing jobs won’t fix anything because the next one will be the same.

The timing isn’t right.

The last one is my favorite (Pro tip — it’s never the right time.) All of these things we tell ourselves aren’t true. The truth is the grass can be greener on the other side. For me, it’s been a plush garden of emerald:

I make more money at a fraction of the hours.
My new position allows me the leave the stress of work at work. It doesn’t overflow into my family time, which I actually have now.
I’ve found time to start working on my personal consulting business.
I’ve begun new writing contracts that allow me to work remotely and on my own schedule.
I’ve found time to start working on personal creative writing projects.
The new job is teaching me skills I thought I had already mastered.
New work situations keep me stimulated at work.

Is it time to leave?

It is estimated that we spend one-third of our lives at work. If the job you have doesn’t bring you happiness, if you stress constantly about your work, or if you can’t get the work-life balance your need, it may be time to leave.

We don’t live in the world our parents did. Working a job you hate doesn’t have to be your only option. Our workforce is slowly but surely becoming more remote and we are seeing more opportunities to take advantage of that freedom. We are able to follow our passion and turn it into an income. We don’t have to settle for the toxic work environments our society has built.

There is no amount of money that can replace time with your family or happiness in your life. Doing a job you hate won’t magically change into something you love, and we aren’t given enough time in this life for anything else. For me, leaving my toxic job gave me the freedom to live fully again. What could leaving your toxic job do for you?

—

Previously published on Medium.com.

—

Have you read the original anthology that was the catalyst for The Good Men Project? Buy here: The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood