Here are the signs that you don’t feel good about yourself. Do you extend yourself to please others to feel good enough? Perhaps you have difficulty saying no because you want to please everyone. Do you worry about what people think of you because you do not feel good enough within yourself?
When you don’t focus on yourself, but focus on others, it is a big sign that you do not feel good within yourself. If you worry what people think of you, then perhaps you secretly judge yourself and end up judging others, when you think that they’re judging you. Focusing on how others can make you feel can distract you from dealing with these feelings within yourself.
When we focus on changing our partner, so that we can feel better about ourselves, it only prevents us from learning how to feel good about ourselves. Find out how the ways that you try to feel good can actually prevent you from feeling good about yourself.
If you are constantly finding things wrong with people around you, then this may be a sign that you are not feeling good about yourself. Do you find yourself being critical of your partner, finding fault in them as if nothing they do is good enough? Perhaps you get upset that they do not compliment you or make you feel good about yourself, even though you go out of your way to please them. Do you get frustrated that they do not seem to be doing enough around the house, causing you to feel as though you’re not important to them? Do you feel your partner is selfish or controlling and never considers you? Maybe interactions with people can trigger how you are feeling about yourself. Perhaps deep down you’re feeling not important, unworthy or unwanted. So, you hide yourself by focusing on them or pleasing them, in the hope that they can make you feel good about yourself. Instead, you end up feeling that you are not important when others can get what they need and you are left without your needs being met.
A signal that you do not feel good about yourself is often when you stop focusing on yourself or avoid expressing yourself in order to keep others happy. Perhaps it causes you to feel bad about yourself whenever you put yourself out there, which could possibly expose you to judgement, criticism or rejection. In order to avoid feeling bad about yourself, you avoid situations that cause you to feel this way
If you are feeling unworthy, then you may avoid expressing yourself to ensure that others are happy with you. Perhaps expressing yourself exposes you to feeling judged for not being good enough or feeling bad about yourself, as if you are going to be reprimanded for saying the wrong thing. In this way, you avoid expressing how you think or feel. By giving up yourself, you stop activating yourself to avoid feeling this way. Its less risky to get gratification from making others happy, in the hope that they can make you feel good about yourself, rather than face these feelings within yourself.
By keeping others happy with you, you attempt to feel good about yourself when others approve of you. If you turn to others to feel better, then you will feel let down when others do not meet your needs.
Overcoming these underlying feelings within yourself can allow you to overcome depression and anxiety, so you can find fulfillment within yourself, work and relationships.
How you are not feeling good about yourself by focusing on everyone else but yourself
Whenever you take the focus off yourself then you stop valuing yourself, by looking towards others in order to feel good about yourself. This causes you to focus on how others are treating you, rather than sorting out those feelings that get in the way of life, work and relationships. It means you invest a lot in others in order to gain approval. This fundamental pattern distracts you from focusing on meeting your own needs and finding fulfillment within yourself. It stops you from being yourself and fully flourishing, when you give up on yourself.
The more we give up on being our self, the more unhappy one becomes by living everyone else’s expectations rather than finding our own way in life.
By focusing on making others happy it doesn’t change how you feel about yourself, unless you work on yourself.
If a person feels good about themselves then they can put themselves out there and go for what they are looking for in life. If a person feels not good about themselves they often feel that they don’t deserve good things for themselves, and avoid activating themselves, because they feel not good enough to do so. Instead, they avoid taking care of themselves and put off doing the things they want.
If you feel not good enough within yourself then you most likely put your negative view about yourself into others and think that others see you the way you do, so you think others are critical of you, instead of realizing that you are critical towards yourself. Of course, you do not realize that these thoughts are internal, not necessarily external.
Here are some subtle hints that show you do not feel good within yourself
- If you think that you are not worthy of your partner, you may expect them to leave you or find someone better, so you might even sabotage your relationship by looking for evidence that they do not want you.
- Do you think your friend canceled your plans because she doesn’t like you?
- Do you think your boss wants to get rid of you because you feel useless?
- You may feel that your husband is judgmental of you or berating you, when he offers you advice.
- You do not feel good enough to apply for the job you want.
- When your boss addresses things that you’re not doing, you feel attacked and want to leave your job.
- You do not feel confident to speak to people, by shying away from conversations in case they might judge you.
- You will not speak up in a team meeting because you do not trust that your ideas are good enough, you think others know better.
- You think that other people will think your stupid if you say what you think, so you go along with what others think.
- You please everyone to avoid being judged or cannot say no.
- You avoid putting yourself out there, going for the job you want or asking for leave.
- You forget about doing things for yourself because you do not think you deserve things in life. You avoid the gym, doctor or self-care. You put off the things that you want to do for yourself
- You can not listen to your wife because it feels she that berates you or tells you off, so you walk off or attack back.
- You suffer anxiety or depression whenever you have to face challenges, seeing the glass half empty and catastrophizing the worst happening.
- You think everything is your fault, and blame yourself by taking everything personally, instead of seeing the bigger picture.
If you don’t feel good about yourself, you may avoid situations which trigger these feelings, and give up on aspects of your life in order to avoid facing these feelings. Many make decisions based on escaping these feelings rather than thinking things through. Often, many make decisions that are not really good for them, and often sabotaging themselves.
Often, when we think others are critical of us, it’s a sign that we judge ourselves and do not feel good enough on the inside. Because it feels painful, we project our feelings onto others and think that others are judging us, by disowning this part of us. So, we see this part of ourselves in others, and judge others for being critical of us. To avoid feeling judged or not good enough, we might give up on doing the things for which we think we will be judged. We might leave a job or give up on our career. We might not tell people how we feel so we do not look silly.
When we give up on doing things for ourselves, expressing ourselves or putting ourselves out there, in order to avoid feeling worthless, we end up running away from our feelings and sabotaging ourselves at the same time, when we give up everything for which we ‘have worked hard. By avoiding self-activation in life, we end up escaping from the critical part of ourselves that berates us for not being good enough. In this way, we give up and avoid doing things for ourselves to avoid feeling not good enough.
To avoid feeling not good enough, we think that our partner or boss thinks that we are not good enough. Instead of taking on board constructive feedback about ourselves and learning to grow as an individual, the person can give up on themselves to avoid feeling this way. If we do not own how we feel on the inside, then we think others are critical or judging us. We end up holding ourselves back from participating in life. Many avoid focusing on themselves by focusing on how others make them feel. In this way, it distracts them further away from themselves.
Many find it difficult to focus on themselves because it leaves them feeling uncomfortable because it triggers how they feel deep down. Working through these underlying feelings, allows individuals to change how they feel about themselves so that they can participate in life and not give up on themselves.
Learn to overcome feeling depressed or anxious by focusing on yourself not others
All content is copyright Nancy Carbone 2018
Previously published here and reprinted with the author’s permission.
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