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We all bleed from the same heart
The energetically sensitive ones feel this
Perhaps we all do, in our own ways, but some are less aware
This sometimes deeply consuming pain does not seem to be understood by many
Not recognized as a legitimately highly impactful, even debilitating experience at times
Perhaps especially by those that are largely numb and may not experientially relate
What do you mean you can’t get a job?
You feel overwhelmed in certain environments?
That’s bullsh*t
I can do it
So can you
Self care?
Come on now
Suck it up
Get out there
Be responsible like me
We filter life through our personal experience
Many don’t seem all that available to consider that another’s experience could be completely different from our own
Another could be impacted in ways we simply do not understand
We may also be largely ignoring or unaware of the ways we are impacted, the ways we are suffering
We may essentially take this out on others, not giving them permission to do what we do not give ourselves permission to do
Others’ liberated self care choices may, on some level, trigger a painful recognition of the ways we do not take care of ourselves and do not feel free, causing a reactive judgmental projection response
We’re often inclined to blame others for the ways we don’t imagine them to be living “the right way”
“The responsible way”
They’re simply making foolish, irresponsible choices
Not the ones we would make
What’s wrong with them?
Can’t they see they’re burdening others, they’re a burden on society?
… well maybe it’s sort of okay if they have a “legit reason”
A diagnosed condition
Injured, disabled
A mental health thing
They’re on meds?
I guess it’s okay that they’re mooching off the system… sort of
What is this system we’re plugged into?
This transactional, conditional matrix?
“The matrix” used to work for me
Numbness used to work for me
For the most part
I didn’t really know I was numb
Until I did
I considered myself relatively happy
For a while
Steady career
Doing “good things” in the world
Working with kids
Making “a positive difference”
Beautiful home
Beautiful wife
Safe and secure
Just the way I liked
Marijuana nearly every day to calm the anxiety
Other substances and numbing behaviors filing in the gaps
It worked
For a while, it worked
Until it didn’t
Divorce
💥
It all fell apart
I cracked open and numbing behaviors were no longer enough to keep the anxiety relatively at bay
Workshops, dance, medicine journeys
New books, new friends, new expansive experiences
Something blasted open in me
The cracks in my heart became gaping wounds
“The light” rushing in, “the dark” exposed
The work environment became unbearable
An indescribably fierce pull to leave “the old world” behind, to explore a new one full time, took hold of me
I dove into “independent study”
Of energy, divinity, “shadow,” ME
Very little made the cut from my old life
Few environments were experienced as inspired, sometimes even tolerable, outside of nature, solitude, a select few resonant souls, the virtual realm
At times, there was little to no inspiration at all
Consumed by the dark infinite
Hopeless, void, lost, nothing
… and everything
I began prioritizing environments I thrive in
For me, for the benefit of All
Self love, the expanded Self included
A sense that it cannot be otherwise
I began prioritizing “healing” my own heart
And simultaneously healing the collective heart, the collective wound
The feelers are the healers
The unsung heroes
A behind the scenes army of love
Another set of “war veterans” not deeply honored for their contributions by many
Largely left to fend for themselves in a wotld that largely doesn’t understand them and support them
As I ventured down this path, as it ventured down me, my judgments began to soften
Humility found me, and at times, absolutley crushed me
She is still doing so, perhaps a bit more gently these days
I welcome her monumental gifts, even if they are accompanied by an experience of suffering
I welcome a continued softening into remembering all as One, as Love, as “me”
A continued dissolving of all that holds me separate from others, and ultimately from my Self
A remembering that I have no idea what another may be experiencing internally
Why they do what they do
Why they don’t do what “I” think they should do
I long for a world, a global family, that opens our hearts and minds to deeply consider the experience of others and support them during their times of “need”
Even if that means the rest of this lifetime and beyond
Even if they don’t have a “valid excuse” to not contribute in specific transactional ways
I long for a humble world
An unconditional world
A world in which all are remembered as beautiful brothers and sisters, all on our own beautifully unique adventures
And all are recognized for the immeasurable “contribution” that is inherent in our existence
A world that unconditionally supports one another
Regardless of whether they are fitting some criteria of how they are supposed to show up and contribute
Honoring our own hearts, our own boundaries
Trusting in organic flow
Radiating fierce and gentle love
Remembering All as One Love
… as I write this, I imagine, at least in some ways, I, we, are already living in this world, and it is simply a matter of perspective
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This article was previously published here and is republished on Medium.
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