Some men are only as faithful as their options. And unfortunately with social media, the options are plentiful
I’m a guy who’s in a relationship. Have been since 2011. I love my lady, and our union. (we aren’t married as of yet). I’m happy, and committed.
But it took me a long ass time to get here.
Why?
Because of the shitload of options available to the 21st century male. Mainly from the internet/digi-sphere. For the first time in American history, men can actually pick, choose, and (for lack of a better word) acquire women. Even in the real, three dimensional world, a guy trolling a bar for available women, even when he’s at an advanced age, isn’t as creepy as it once was.
Now. Not all men are this way. There are many men who will and do settle down with a good woman. There are a good amount of men who want to and will fall in love with one woman.
But, there are a lot of men who find it hard to even approach the idea of a relationship because of the “candy store” of… the internet. I’d bet that the Net has laid waste to the concept of relationships even more than the sexual revolution of the late 1960s and the 1970s. With the advent of dating sites, and (cue dramatic music)… social media, men have access to women that they’ve never had before. I read on Twitter a few days ago (ironic, I know) that one in five marriages that end in divorce are due to shady Facebook activity by one of the parties involved.
Once again, not all men are so easily seduced by Facebook “pokes”. There are good men out here of substance who don’t lose their minds at a woman’s grainy selfie.
But, unfortunately, there are men who do. And, as I mentioned earlier, men who are nice-looking, and have the ability to form coherent sentences can pretty much create a harem if they want to. Think about it. You’re a guy with five, six, or seven women who all think you’re hot, and are willing to sleep with you? And you’ve just added these ladies’ best friends to your “Friends” list? Their BFFs who also “liked” your latest shirtless pic? Why would you want a relationship?
Social media is just a part of the equation. Dating sites, depending on your perspective, are a huge win , or a crushing distraction. Sites like Plentyoffish, Match.com, and OkCupid are full of women looking for or sometimes lusting for men. Going back to what I wrote earlier, think about it. Take a good-looking single man who’s got charm to spare. Give him a Plentyoffish account. Now, you don’t think he could collect phone numbers daily? And, if that’s what he’s doing, why would he want a relationship? Why commit to one woman when, potentially, a guy could have numerous “girlfriends”?
I think the real fallout from OptionRama 2014 is that men (and some women) don’t really feel the need to work anything out any longer. If you are seeing someone, and you guys hit an emotional obstacle, instead of working through your problems and then moving on, now, with the options available to us, you can now just choose someone else. With the push of a button. Or a text. Or even an emoticon. Never before have relationships or people been so replaceable. Disposable. Your girlfriend doesn’t want to watch WWE with you? Text that new girl you met off that Facebook group, and go to her house. Your lady is starting to demand accountability from you? Call up the cutie you met off Plentyoffish who only wants a NSA situation with you.
Ladies. Please don’t give up hope for finding true love. Not only are there good men still out there, there are also men who can…grow up and wrestle themselves away from the clutches of “The Options”. I did. I was an option guy for a few years. Fortunately, I found a wonderful woman, and chilled the #*$@ out. (That’s a whole other article there, lol). It’s possible to have and sustain a relationship in this semi-new century.
But it’s harder than it used to be.
Photo—srb07h/Flickr
Having too many options lives you with no options at the end. Most of the time your other options think they are your only option and there will be a time that you have to be honest or when someone will know your game. Then there you have it all your options left you for another option they had. Sad reality of the internet world and the reason online dating does’t really work for the majority of people. It takes a lot of character and maturity to stick to something and see the finished product.
Plenty of men commit too soon-
That’s why 50% of marriages end in divorce…
Factor in the poor SOBs struck in a marriage for the kids or economic black mail and I’d venture too many men commit.
If you really want to know why men don’t commit, read Men On Strike by Helen Smith, The Manipulated
Man by Esther Vilar and Sex-Ploytation by Matthew Bracken.
Thanks, Greg, for telling the ugly truth. It’s not something that a lot of women want to hear, but we need to hear it. I was summarily dumped by a man I had met on an online dating service — for frivolous things. “You don’t like to ski, and I do. This can never work.” I was scratching my head, because for the past two years, we’d had plenty of other things in common. Could this really be the reason — ? Acting on a hunch, I went back to the online dating site where I met him and conducted… Read more »
I am truly sorry to hear that, Lelaina. I’ve been “discarded” myself, due to digital dating options. Happens to the best of us :/ Don’t worry. You’ll meet your Prince Charming in a coffee shop, or the BMV. When you’re least expecting it…:)
Can’t at least a part of men’s reluctance to commit be attributed to “supply and demand”?
I mean IF, as you say, you’re a man with 5-7 lady-FWB, and you have just added a few more willing to participate in the same activities. Then what interest do you think that those women, gladly and willing accepting this arragement, currently have in an exclusive relationship?
The OpitionRama 2013 applies to women as well. If women are glad to share the few handsome/charming/whatever men to scratch their itch-of-the-day, then what interest does she have to commit and try to work things out?
I am a businessman, and right now in this day and age (I am old and have been married a long time) I would never sign a contract with the terms that are offered men today.
A contract that offers a 50% chance of failure , a 70% chance that my partner will be the one to end the contract and I will have to give up at least 50% of the assets currently and have to continue to pay my partner for life.
Maybe just maybe it isn’t the choices he has or does have at the beginning of the relationship that is the problem but rather the choices (or lack thereof) that he has at the end.
John Cleese anyone.
I wish I lived in this magical world where I had “Options” for dating.
Unfortunately in my world, there seems to be one attractive woman out of 10, and EVERY guy wants her cause all the rest are.. well.. hambeasts who dress like Mimi Bobek on the drew carry show. And that’s even more pronounced online.
I hate living in the South.. ugh. Portion control! Learn about it!
@J,
Sounds like you feel entitled to the prettiest, hottest, and most beautiful women in the land. Well, get in line Bro. And the wait is going to be very very long.
Good luck.
Entitled? No, I simply am sick of the false advertising going on.
Who said anything about prettiest, hottest, and most beautiful? I just want one that won’t suffocate me in her fat rolls or crush me beneath her undulating girth like some sort of lovecraftian shoggoth made of human being and clothing lint.
@ J, Well, 65% of ALL Americans are overweight. So, your pool of available women is relatively small. Having grown up in the South and visiting family several times a year, I must agree with you. Even the cheerleaders for Alabama and Auburn football were less athletic than say 20 years ago. But the men are overweight (many with turkey necks) before age 30 too. We all need to hit the gym and eat more fruits, veggies, and nuts. Good luck in finding your one lovely lady. Just remember beauty is within a human being, not outside. Personally, I can… Read more »
I work hard to maintain my size, I wear Small & Extra Small shirts, coats, etc, and between a 28 and a 30 waist depending on the cut of the pants.. I weigh a WHOPPING 140lbs and come in at 5’10” and I also work out to stay toned. However I’ve found that my small stature seems to be a turn off for a lot of women.. so many women seem to be hung up on the idea that they want a big guy who can “Protect them”.. and thus I get treated like a little brother or something.
You’re body type reminds me of a HS boy who hasn’t developed yet. And that’s to be rude, its just giving you the perspective of a woman. We don’t want to feel like we are with a teenage boy. A man has a bigger body, and yes that makes us feel more secure. Tough break though. You can always put on some weight. I’ve seen it done. A guy I had a MAJOR crush on in HS was about the size you are (Notice I liked that in HS) As a grown woman. I saw him 20 years later at… Read more »
Lol! Sorry I read your post and starting laughing at the visual that came to mind. It sounds like relocating may be something to put on the bucket list. Lots of good food down South, I wont lie. It would be really hard to be a size 8 down there. But no sense in letting yourself balloon up to 400lbs either. Better health habits need to be taught in the School systems, if the parents aren’t helping.
It seems like the idea of men having options is considered a bad thing these days. Rather than it being a matter of men bailing out of relationships because they have other options maybe its a matter of them deciding to actually play the field (something that women are encouraged to do by the way).
I remember seeing a study a few years back that men’s earning power typically goes down when he gets married and a woman’s earning power typically goes up. Now obviously there are exceptions, but what it means is that typically men pay to get married and women pay to get divorced. That really says something about who it is that really wants to get married. I’m not surprised that women don’t like it; Especially the women’s rights advocates. As men figure out that we don’t need to get married anymore than women need to get married, it’s going to empower… Read more »
I question the validity of the stereotype that men are afraid of commitment. For one, I don’t think women are any less affected by the “candy store” effect of the internet. For another, taking the time to thoughtfully make a commitment is a good thing. Look, women file 2/3 of divorces, but before we blame men note that studies in the UK & Sweden found that lesbians are twice as likely as gay men to call it quits. That is, men – gay or straight – are more likely to stick with a long term relationship. So it’s important for… Read more »
Indeed. I’ve wanted to commit to one woman permanently for years. The problem has been that finding a woman that’s actually worth committing to who isn’t taken, has been a real challenge. What’s more the law in the US is such that marriage and having children is a really bad deal for men. Now, if things going right and you wind up being married for the rest of your life, it’s still great. The problem is that if things don’t work out you’re likely to wind up losing your kids and most of your stuff. I think I may finally… Read more »
So men are catching up option-wise with women? It’s a bad thing? Men also get to change their minds on a whim……It will settle out over time or not. Welcome women to the art of competitive dating…..men getting the options women held for years……So?