Modern men face their mental health with courage and honesty.
Hey, so you’re in the hospital right now. I see that you would wish you were dead if you had the gumption to wish. I remember that feeling scary-well. It will pass.
Be a patient, patient.
Soon, you will be strong enough to wish for the confusion to stop. It will recede. I have to say, though–to keep your trust here–that Confusion may never, ever leave town. But, it won’t always be complete confusion. I promise.
The doctors are on your team. I know, you were given Girl, Interrupted and Prozac Nation and you read them both yesterday and now you’re angry too. Do this instead: be grateful that you can read again. It wasn’t long ago that you couldn’t even read, remember?
It will be terrifying when you get out of here. Your friends want to help you. Try not to push them away. Be brave and ask them to just sit there with you, even if you have nothing to say. Write them a note if you need to, but don’t let them leave just because your head can’t make small talk right now and your soul isn’t ready for the Big Stuff.
Because this is big. Some people will want it to be all biological, and it might be. Others will suggest it may be all spiritual, and it might be. Doesn’t matter. You’re here now.
But, you’re not alone. There are others out there, like you. Here’s what I think might have happened: you were asked to solve an insolvable problem, and you thought your answer was due. Treadmill Capitalism or True to YourSelfism?
The world isn’t cold. Remember, you were the one who went looking “out there” for heat when what you will need is only ever going to be found inside you.
They have a thousand ways to trick you into thinking that’s not true. I’ve tried 1,101.
You did a good thing, seeking with utter commitment. Not everybody does.
You NEED the medication to make sure this thing doesn’t happen, fast and out-of-control and soon. If it happens again soon, it will probably keep happening again and again. Problem is, the medication takes away You and replaces it with an Android. This is only at first.
(The more you drink alcohol or recreate, the more MEDS you will probably need in the long run. I’m not saying don’t; I’m saying be aware of this.)
I know you want nothing more than to feel like the self you knew. He’s gone. He didn’t question the “what’s it all about?” so he was Safe. However, he was only ever going to see down the street. You have a chance to see God.
What I mean by God, is that we’re all connected. It’s one big wheel. There is music for this part of the letter. Go find it. Your friends who still listen to albums can recommend some.