Love coach Paula Nicollin gives 7 keys that help create a loving and lasting relationship.
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As a love coach who has been in practice for several years, I see many couples that have lost that loving feeling. They want their relationships to be loving and lasting and are struggling to reconnect with each other and feel in love again. In my years of practice, I have seen the good, the bad and the ugly and through it all I have discovered seven tips to help men and women create a loving and lasting relationship.
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- Get Rid Of Baggage. The first thing to look at, for both men and women, on the road to creating an ‘extraordinary’ partnership, is our own ‘relationship baggage’; i.e. the assumptions and expectations that we have based on the models that we have observed. To have a ‘whole’ relationship, each of you needs to be a ‘whole’ person. It’s not about 50/50, it’s about each being and giving 100%!
- Create Safety. Establish an environment, if possible from the outset, where both partners feel ‘safe’, make your needs clear, be honest and have the courage to honor your feelings, face the dark scary moments and acknowledge and voice the emotion. Particularly, in the case of women, stop being in your head (constantly searching for reasons and answers) and connect to your heart.
- Map Out Your Time. Make sure you each put moments aside to take care of yourself, you are the most important person in your life. It can be by pampering yourself, meeting friends, or doing a favorite hobby or sport. It’s also important to ensure that you have, or create, common interests. Fix a time for just the two of you doing an activity together (but not in front of the TV!) and vary what you do (e.g. set up a date together, go for a long walk).
- Women Stop Nagging. Men, Start Flattering. When it comes to conflict, ladies, please stop nagging your man and guys, flatter your woman. Tell her she’s beautiful, she needs to hear that. It sounds stereotypical but in my experience, it’s true. The one who feels the most courageous, connect with your partner through physical contact, be it just a touch on the shoulder or holding the others hand. This helps remove the shame and the blame and just lets the other open their heart.
- Stop Being Roommates. Sex is the ultimate act of a loving, intimate relationship. In the bedroom, ladies, stop expecting your man to do all the work to turn you on, find ways to become turned-on, e.g by reading erotic literature and tell him what you want. He wants to be able to provide and make you happy and needs to know how. Men, treat your lady with gentle care, feed her sensuality, make her feel sexy (maybe she’s not feeling good about her body); she needs to hear loving, sensual words. Imagine you’re discovering her body for the first time. Put the time aside for both of you. Do what it takes to keep the love alive.
- Show Love and Appreciation – Even if You’re Not Getting It. Come from a place of love, emphasize and show appreciation for the little things your loved one does, e.g. “Honey, thank you so much for cutting the lawn, that’s such a great help”. Don’t take it for granted. Avoid getting stuck in a rut and keep the spark alive. When you show your unconditional love for the other, you will see that your partner will mirror that and soon start behaving in the same way.
- Believe in True Love and Cultivate it Every Day. Each morning, imagine that it’s a new partner you’re waking up to, rediscover him or her. Take conscious loving actions. By getting to know your partner better, we can contribute to each other’s happiness and grow together in a deeply loving and lasting relationship….
Photo Credit:Flickr/~Brenda-Starr~
What a crock of sh#t e.g. Number 7: imagine that it’s a new partner you’re waking up to…..
I guess that’s what you do every weekend Paula, without needing to imagine LOL
I realize it’s a while since your post, but feel it’s worth responding too. Have you tried letting a little more love into your heart and your life? Try it, it may change your whole perseverance. I don’t know whether you have a partner but I spend 7/7 days a week with mine, not only weekends. The suggestion in No. 7 that you mention is about being able to see the other in a new light and appreciating just a little something that you may have completely taking for granted before, for example…LOL
You’re very welcome Neil, I love to spread useful information! Thanks for the comment.
Paula, this is a terrific and useful article! Thank you so much for sharing!
I said UGH when I read the title of this article. Not another list, but I figured I may learn something anyway and I was pleasantly surprised. Though not much new here, each key is described in a simple yet powerful way. The examples for each sex were great as well since there is no blame, neither sex gets away clean nor with all of the blame placed on them. Thanks for this Paula!
Thank you Neal for this feedback, much appreciated. Have you signed up for my Telesummit? There you will have access to even more info. You can select the interviews you prefer to listen in to… Enjoy!