Love coach Paula Nicollin gives 7 keys that help create a loving and lasting relationship.
As a love coach who has been in practice for several years, I see many couples that have lost that loving feeling. They want their relationships to be loving and lasting and are struggling to reconnect with each other and feel in love again. In my years of practice, I have seen the good, the bad and the ugly and through it all I have discovered seven tips to help men and women create a loving and lasting relationship.
- Get Rid Of Baggage. The first thing to look at, for both men and women, on the road to creating an ‘extraordinary’ partnership, is our own ‘relationship baggage’; i.e. the assumptions and expectations that we have based on the models that we have observed. To have a ‘whole’ relationship, each of you needs to be a ‘whole’ person. It’s not about 50/50, it’s about each being and giving 100%!
- Create Safety. Establish an environment, if possible from the outset, where both partners feel ‘safe’, make your needs clear, be honest and have the courage to honor your feelings, face the dark scary moments and acknowledge and voice the emotion. Particularly, in the case of women, stop being in your head (constantly searching for reasons and answers) and connect to your heart.
- Map Out Your Time. Make sure you each put moments aside to take care of yourself, you are the most important person in your life. It can be by pampering yourself, meeting friends, or doing a favorite hobby or sport. It’s also important to ensure that you have, or create, common interests. Fix a time for just the two of you doing an activity together (but not in front of the TV!) and vary what you do (e.g. set up a date together, go for a long walk).
- Women Stop Nagging. Men, Start Flattering. When it comes to conflict, ladies, please stop nagging your man and guys, flatter your woman. Tell her she’s beautiful, she needs to hear that. It sounds stereotypical but in my experience, it’s true. The one who feels the most courageous, connect with your partner through physical contact, be it just a touch on the shoulder or holding the others hand. This helps remove the shame and the blame and just lets the other open their heart.
- Stop Being Roommates. Sex is the ultimate act of a loving, intimate relationship. In the bedroom, ladies, stop expecting your man to do all the work to turn you on, find ways to become turned-on, e.g by reading erotic literature and tell him what you want. He wants to be able to provide and make you happy and needs to know how. Men, treat your lady with gentle care, feed her sensuality, make her feel sexy (maybe she’s not feeling good about her body); she needs to hear loving, sensual words. Imagine you’re discovering her body for the first time. Put the time aside for both of you. Do what it takes to keep the love alive.
- Show Love and Appreciation – Even if You’re Not Getting It. Come from a place of love, emphasize and show appreciation for the little things your loved one does, e.g. “Honey, thank you so much for cutting the lawn, that’s such a great help”. Don’t take it for granted. Avoid getting stuck in a rut and keep the spark alive. When you show your unconditional love for the other, you will see that your partner will mirror that and soon start behaving in the same way.
- Believe in True Love and Cultivate it Every Day. Each morning, imagine that it’s a new partner you’re waking up to, rediscover him or her. Take conscious loving actions. By getting to know your partner better, we can contribute to each other’s happiness and grow together in a deeply loving and lasting relationship….