We can spin our heads following a divorce. The truth to healing is to learn to be good to ourselves.
There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anais Nin
Getting over your ex is rarely a quick and easy process, and it’s often complicated by all the things that the two of you still have in common: children, pets, friends, things you did and the town where you live. These tips helped me get past the loss of my marriage.
Get Closure – The relationship has broken up; make sure you are both on the same page. If you feel the need to tell your ex things, do it now. You won’t be seeing him or her again for a while.
Cry – Denying how you feel will only keep the emotions locked up, and temporarily. Be honest about your ever-changing emotions. They will rise and fall. Accept this.
Cut Off All Contact – If you have children, keep the contact to a minimum and only for discussing the children. Manage your Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites appropriately.
If you do not have children, remove all contact information from any public place. You’re ill-advised to call or text if you’ve been drinking; you’ll certainly end up saying something you will later regret. Stop seeing his friends or family. “Out of sight” doesn’t necessarily mean “out of mind,” but intentional space can certainly make getting over an ex easier. You might have to avoid some of your favorite places. Trust me: these are a small prices to pay for peace of mind. You may have agreed on staying friends but until you are totally over your ex, this is not really possible. Go cold turkey. If you don’t, you are prolonging the duration of unnecessary pain.
Take Them off That Pedestal – Your ex was NOT perfect. Probably were not even close.
Work Out – You may be wondering what to do with all this free time you now have so join a gym. If you are already a member, GO. It is a healthy way to work out all of that post-breakup frustration. Getting in shape is also a good way to boost your self-esteem and you will feel a lot better. The gym is also a great place to meet new people. You won’t be at home thinking about all the “what ifs”.
Spend Time with Your Friends – Seek out supportive friends. Do not post your feelings as your Facebook status but reach out through private emails. Catch up with the people you may have neglected during your relationship.
Throw Away Anything that Reminds You of Them – Throw it all away. The sooner you get all that junk out of your house the sooner you’ll get over them. Before you comment, yes: it’s fine to keep items that don’t evoke any emotional connections. Don’t ask for your stuff back. Forget about all that stuff you left. Consider it gone. Let yourself mourn with no reminders.
This article originally appeared at Divorced and Scared No More.
Photo by david_shankbone