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I met the women of my life when I was 19 years old. Now I’m 28 and have been married since August 2015.
When people say marriage is work — I laugh. Because it’s so cliché and because it’s only half true. It’s half-true in that it is like work, it’s a contract, and you need to invest to get something in return. It’s half true because it is much harder than work and much more rewarding.
I say this is because you will meet hundreds maybe thousands of versions of your spouse. Versions you can’t just drop like a bad job.
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The first version of my wife was tipsy, dancing in a bar and we had our first kiss that night. The second version was a shy girl that was in café with me because I had asked her out on a date. Five months later, I met the version that had sex with me for the first time.
These are the exciting versions, the versions you meet during the discovery phase of a relationship when there is no commitment and you can actually still drop them and their versions (like a bad job) and move on. When you’re married or have been together for a long time, it’s different.
You will still meet wonderful versions of your spouse—the version that tells you you’re wonderful, that they love you, or dresses up just for you—but you will also meet the “other” versions.
Like the time she met the version of me that punched a hole in the wall, the version that told her that crying is blackmail. And I met a version of her that for a few years rarely was in the mood for sex, a version that wanted to give up our world trip because our valuables and passports were stolen and a version that with her words, could bring me close to tears.
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Stuff happens in life. And you will, without a doubt, meet versions of your spouse you didn’t know existed. Some versions you will love and admire and some version you will despise, but they are all there, in the person you love—the person you chose to marry. And the only way you get the version you want and fell in love with is by working hard every day to make the version of them you like the most stay around.
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