A woman’s ex-husband deceives his new fiance about her role as mother.
My ex-husband has his view of our past while I have mine. Our memories are probably completely different. I’ve realized his new significant other can’t really know what kind of person I am. This became evident the first time I met her.
I had moved out of state about a year prior. My daughter and my two grandchildren had moved with me while my two sons and grandson stayed close to my ex-husband. All of my children are adults. I did not move until after my youngest son’s 21st birthday.
I had recently come back to visit my boys. It was going to be a short trip, and I didn’t think I would run into my ex-husband and his new fiancée, but I did. At first we all got along well. My older son was there, but my younger one, as usual, was running late. I was anxious to see my youngest son, and I said so. “I can’t wait to see him!”
My ex’s fiancée asked, “When was the last time you talked to him?” I faced her. “Yesterday, a number of times.” A confused look came over the woman, and her next comment really blew my mind. “But you abandoned them.”
I couldn’t believe what this woman had said to me. How can you abandon adult children, especially when they had the choice to stay near their father or move with me to a new location?
♦◊♦
Even if it’s just “Good morning” or “I love you”, my eldest son and I text daily. On some days I get a lot of details. My younger son is a typical 22-year-old: sometimes I hear from him frequently, and then other times I don’t for a period of time.
I looked at her and said, “I love all of my children and grandchildren more than life itself. I have never nor would I ever abandon any of them.”
Then I looked at my ex-husband. He, of cousre, had tuned his eyes away. I could tell from his body language that he had no interest in eye contact.
We both knew he had given her misleading information, but it wasn’t worth fighting about. I don’t really care what this woman or my ex-husband think about me. They have their life, and I wish them well. I only care what my children and grandchildren think of me.
During the conversation, my younger son had arrived. I looked at my boys, and I realized saying anything to my ex at this point would have made them uncomfortable; besides, they knew the truth. Sometimes it’s more important to let your ex have their stories than it is to hash things out. If they want to remember your history a little differently, then let them.
This article originally appeared, in slightly different format, at Divorced and Scared No More.
Photo by ktylerconk
I don’t know, but I can’t help to think that this exchange says less about your ex and more about his new partner.
I mean, any partner that can truly believe that you can abandon grown-up, mature “kids” (and criticize you for it) has to really *want* to belive it, more or less regardless of what you tell that person.
FlyingKal
I agree with you! I know if it was presented to me as she explained. First, I would not have believed it for the obvious reasons. Second, when I saw the interaction between the mother and children I would have had LOTS of questions.
That probably pretty much sums up why I am the Ex. LOL
Tasher
James, The reason I created my website and write articles there is to hopefully help other people. Unfortunately, many times people get stuck in the anger and hurt from a divorce that they do not move on with their lives. My website is not a bashing your ex site. If you ever have a chance, please go in and look around. This woman has only seen me I think 3 times. I do believe he tells or has told his now wife things about me that I know not to be truthful. One of my adult children has shared some… Read more »
My ex does not like having her relationships cross. She has the habit of fitting the past to suit her point (whatever the point may be at any given time) as well as some mental health issues. I have learned that her father and other relationships were never quite as bad as she let on. I have learned that while there are always two sides to any story her side is always exaggerated in her own favor. This would not matter if we did not have a child together. I draw what amusement I can from her behavior but, luckily… Read more »
Sam
Keep being the good father it sounds like you are and your son will do fine.
As far as ex’s go I think it is very common for people to bash their ex. Hopefully more people will learn that getting stuck in the past doesn’t allow them to live in the present.
I think you do care what he’s saying. If it didn’t, I doubt you write this post. While I try and reduce it as much as possible and I’ve gotten good at it, I do care what my ex-wife and her mother say, especially to my kids. It’s only natural. And without actually talking to your ex, I would be very careful about assuming what he has said about you to his fiancee. Maybe he is telling her stuff about you that isn’t true. Maybe the fiancee is just building her own assumptions based on what she sees and hears… Read more »
James
Sorry but for some reason my response to you did not show up here it is down further in the thread
One woman’s interpretation of something said by another woman. This will help the cause of good men everywhere.
I would like to mention the comment “My ex-husband has his view of our past while I have mine. Our memories are probably completely different. ” – But for the purpose of this (article/essay/humblebrag…) I will believe your side to be gospel.
dont suppose you could introduce him to this site and ask for his side of this?
Martin,
My ex-husband is fully aware of my website and things connected to it. This piece was posted originally on my website 12/7/2012. He has not made a comment to me or on any posting.
I hope you understand the main point of the article is not who said what. When a divorce is final I truly believe people need to move on with their lives there is no longer any reason to “prove” your point.
Tasher
Yet a year later you are still posting your side of things on the net, even on sites where the relevance to subject is negligible.
I am glad you feel you have moved on and I hope I too will be able to stay civil should I cross paths with my ex’s new partner .
Martin Obviously you have not been to my website or even noticed what the name of it is. This topic is very relevant. This article is in one area of my website. It is not a blog and I have 18 regular contributors. Before you assume my reason for writing this article please take a look at the website and maybe you will be surprised to find your answer there. I also hope that you can stay civil should you cross paths with your ex’s new partner. It is always best to take the high road in any situation. There… Read more »
I’m immediately curious about the woman’s response. Did she react in any way when she learned your ex was lying? I’d really have a problem if I learned my lover was deceptive this way. If she faced him, she probably did it away from you. I’d probably break up with him. It’s just too red a flag.
Gint,
She did have a very confused look on her face that stayed as she saw my son’s reaction to seeing me. This happened over a year ago and they are married now so I am sure any questions she had he answered to her satisfaction.
Tasher