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TW for Jezebel recommending rape as a seduction technique.
Today, in Jezebel is THE ABSOLUTE WORST at feminism news:
I am totally and 100% down with sticking fingers up dudes’ butts, if that’s what gets you and them off. I have, in fact, written a post about how male-receptive anal sex is the coolest fucking thing ever. I am Fingers-In-Buttholes-Positive, is my point.
But there is exactly one circumstance in which sticking your finger up a dude’s butt is an okay life decision. It is when you are like “hey, dude, I want to stick my finger up your butt” and he responds with “indeed, ma’am, I would like a finger in my rectal region, if you would be so kind.” Well, okay, it is also fine as a response to “I would like you to stick your finger up my butt” or after a heartfelt conversation about his limits and concerns in which you were very careful to be respectful of his boundaries and he finally agrees to try it, but also to revoke his consent whenever he feels uncomfortable.
But you will notice what all those things have in common, namely, WORDS.
Jezebel’s advice, however, is completely unrelated to words.
In my experience, guys are generally more open to new concepts, and trying out new things, when you have their dick in your mouth. (This is because fellatio slows their brain down to a point of temporary retardation, which means their guard is down.)
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
First of all, “temporary retardation” is extremely ableist. Cut that shit out or I will sneak in your house at midnight and cover the entire floor with Legos.
Second, if you have a plan for sexytimes with someone, and the plan includes the phrase “their guard is down” at any point and does not include the word “safeword,” you seriously need to reconsider the plan. Good consent means only having sex with someone that they’d consent to even when they are completely and 100% rational. If they’re okay with a finger up their ass when they’re getting a blowjob and not okay with it the rest of the time, you should not put a finger up their ass. This is not rocket surgery.
Third, even if you are a rapey douchebag who doesn’t care about good consent, you do not want to stick your fingers up someone’s ass without asking first. There is poo there. Do you want a finger covered in poo? No? Then don’t be a douchebag.
I mean, there are two options here. The most charitable interpretation of the answer to the letter is that you think your partner will be Not Okay with fingers up the ass when he’s not getting a blowjob or when he’s asked about it, but he will be okay once he experiences it. Maybe he’s afraid liking things in his ass makes him gay. In that case, you should ask him why, to make sure the answer is actually “I think it will make me gay” rather than, say, “I already tried it and I hate it” or “I am a survivor of anal rape and anything near my ass sends me into a panic attack.” I mean. Just saying.
But the problem is that the other thing that might end up happening that your partner doesn’t like it, but doesn’t really know what to say about it, and just kind of freezes up and doesn’t really object, or does some negative body language, and then you’ve just fucking raped your partner. Are you okay with that risk? You better not be okay with that fucking risk. Rapists do not get to read my fucking blog.
The Jezebel columnist moves on to inform us that we should “never give up” (RAPIST RAPIST YOU ARE A RAPIST) and say that we should not give up hope if the dude we’re with flinches as soon as we put anything near his ass. Um. If you are going with the telepathy method of finding out whether someone wants to have a finger in their ass, you should really pay attention to any negative body language they’re having and stop. In the telepathy method that’s the equivalent of “no, fuck you, no, I don’t want to.” Instead, we’re told to wait, do something fancy with the blowjob to distract him, and rub around the outside of the butthole again. That’s definitely not a technique that will ever lead anyone to think “I don’t want it, but it doesn’t look like they’re going to give up, so I might as well not protest.”
Ugh. Jezebel needs to fuck off.